


Dimension Slip

by suallenparker



Series: Dimension Slip Multiverse [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Lots of Angst, Set After 3x08, Slow Burn, So much angst, Su's Philinda December Special, also alternative time dimension too, alternative universe from there, different time dimensions, dimension slip verse, happy end guarantee, spoilers for everything up until there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-04 10:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 21,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5330435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winter 2015. When Phil and Melinda are chasing Ward, Phil has an accident and falls … into another time dimension.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my Philinda Advent Calendar 2015! I wanted to try this last year but chickened out. I’m still scared, but with your help and support, I know I can do this! Starting today I will post a scene of this story EVERY DAY until it’ll come to its completion on December 24th. It’ll be an angsty ride, so brace yourself, my friends! The Happy End shall be my Christmas Eve gift to you.
> 
> SPOILERS: Everything up to 3x08 “Many Heads, One Tale” - altering canon from there (because 3x09 hasn’t aired yet – which is freaking me out a little, but oh well. It was either writing this without having seen 3x09 or not writing it at all. So here we are.)

She needed this. She needed this badly, he could see it on her face and in the way she had carried herself ever since they left Andrew in the facility of the ATCU. May cowered next to him on the ground of an abandoned beer brewery as they waited to finally kill Grant Ward. With Rosalind’s help and SHIELD’s own sources, they had predicted his movements. If everything went to plan, he would arrive with two other high ranking HYDRA agents sometime during the day. It didn’t really matter, they were prepared. Agents were positioned around the brewery as well as inside of it, all hiding and ready.

They were hiding behind a big barrel. May’s body was tense with anticipation. She pressed her mouth into a small line while her gaze searched the parameter again.

Phil tried to stay calm, but his pulse was up. Today Grant Ward just had to die. They had chased him long enough. Ward had harmed her long enough. May deserved closure. And this was the only thing he could offer.

She hadn’t talked to him about Andrew yet. She hadn’t told him why she had left SHIELD in the first place, but Phil had his suspicions. Blurred lines … He had never seen her happier than the day she had married Andrew Garner. He wished he could fix that mess for her. He wished she would still be happy at some beach with the man she loved. Running SHIELD without her was hard. Watching her suffer like this was harder. He wouldn’t blur those lines again in an attempt to help. That had never worked anyway. Not after Bahrain, certainly not now.

But together they would stop Ward. Today.

They were here since four in the morning. That was three hours ago. Waiting was always the hardest part.

“Wanna play twenty questions?” he asked quietly. Spending all their energy on being agitated before they could actually do something. They needed to relax.

May looked at him sideways, one of her eyebrows raised.

“I start,” he said. “What’s your favorite sound?”

She looked around the room again. He could practically see her ears perking up in hopes she might hear the sounds of an arriving car.

But nothing.

“Great answer,” he said.

She frowned.

“Silence is your favorite sound.”

In their early days, she would’ve rolled her eyes at him. Now she just relaxed her face and focused back on their surroundings.

He sighed.

“No more lies,” she said and looked straight ahead at an open door.

Finally she talked! Well, she was making demands. But he could work with that. “Okay,” he said softly. He hated lying to her. He hated keeping things from her.

She took a breath. “If there’s something that needs to stay contained, just tell me there’s a secret you can’t share. Don’t lie about it.”

“Deal.”

“And stop with the pity.” She squinted at him.

He held her gaze. The last thing he felt for her was pity. But she was in pain and she was terrible at accepting any sort of help. At least after Bahrain, he got to hold her.

“I can handle this. I can handle Andrew.”

“I know.” He had been watching her handle things ever since Bahrain. Ever since they found out about Andrew. It hollowed her. And he couldn’t handle that. Of course he couldn’t tell her that.

“Just don’t lie to me.”

He remembered they had a similar conversation back when they had searched for truth about Daisy’s past in Mexico. “I slept with Rosalind,” he said.

She straightened up. “A car’s arriving.”

Phil heard it too. He activated his fancy new walky-talky kind of thing that Fitz had created for them and that was so tiny it was literally just another button on his shirt. “Status?”

“It’s him,” came the answer from Daisy. She was positioned on the roof top.

Then a barrel exploded behind him. The last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was how May called his first name.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Phil faces the barrel of a gun.

His head hurt. His arms hurt. His whole body was in pain. The gravel on the ground pressed into his back.

“Wake up,” a harsh voice hissed above him.

He blinked and the light burned in his eyes.

“Look at me, you coward!”

He recognized that voice. It was a very familiar voice. He forced his eyes open and stared right into the deadly end of a barrel.

May stood above him and took the safety of her gun. “Where’s my husband?” she growled.

“Andrew’s -”

She glared at him. “Where did you take him?”

He lifted himself up on his elbows. “Melinda, please -”

“Don’t you dare call me that!” Her voice was like ice.

“Do you really think you can fool me in believing you’re him?” she asked and shook her head in disgust.

His heart was racing. “What?” She was making no sense!

“Where’s Phil Coulson?”

“I’m right here!”

“Tell me where he is and I let you live.” He could see in her eyes that she wasn’t kidding. Something was horribly wrong with her. Maybe the explosion set off a toxin or some inhuman manipulated her, but Melinda was not herself. And if he wouldn’t stop her, she might kill him.

“I’m sorry for this,” he uttered, before he pressed the palm of his left hand against the barrel and wrapped his other hand around it.

May pulled the trigger, but his robotic hand stopped the bullet. The sound of the impact made his ears ring. It smelled burned, but his hand remained functional. He would have to thank Fitz for saving his life by insisting to use this very expensive thin, bullet proof hybrid-material to shell the mechanics of the hand. He hoped he wouldn’t have to use the laser finger. He needed to get her restrained and then back to the playground so Fitzsimmons could fix her.

The gun hit the floor with a thud. As quickly as he could, he grabbed her arm, pulled her towards him as he leaned sideways. Within a split second he sat on top of her while he pinned her hands to the ground with his mechanic hand. - Again that thing was saving him. Without it, she would kick his ass right now.

She looked at him like he was a bug she was about to smash. “What did you do to my husband?”

His stomach was in knots. What was happening to her? He swallowed hard. “We’ll fix this, I promise. Ward will pay for this.” He used his right hand to activate the walky talky button. “May’s hurt, we need help,” he said.

“If your people hurt him, I will kill you,” she hissed and struggled against his grip. He had to be careful to not give her too much wriggle room.

“Everything will be okay,” he promised her. A lie, for the most part. Nothing was okay. Ward hat beaten them again and Andrew was at the ATCU and turning into Lash. Their life was a shit storm.

From behind him, he heard footsteps approaching them. Finally!

“Over here,” he called out and glanced backwards to watch four SHIELD agents walk towards them. “Hurry!”

May turned her head to the agents. “He took Coulson,” she said. “We need him alive.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Yes, ma’am? Phil turned to the voice and couldn’t believe what he saw. “Trip?”

Antonie Triplett couldn’t be pointing a gun at him right now, because he was dead. But this Trip was very much alive. And he shot him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was intense to write! As you may know, writing action scenes scares me and writing Phil fight Melinda? OH MY GOSH! I'm still not sure how I survived that. - I hope you enjoyed the scene and I hope you're ready for more tomorrow! As always, let me hear what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil's in a hospital gown

When he woke up again, he was no longer in pain. His left wrist felt tense, but that was how it always felt ever since Mack had cut off his hand. His eyes needed a few moments to adjust to the bright light before they adjusted to his surroundings.

He was alone. And he was definitely in a hospital. Everything about the environment told him so, the white walls, the cheap art print on the wall across the hospital bed he was lying in. The antiseptic smell. Everything. His robotic hand lay on the stereotypical hospital nightstand with the pull-out tray. Relief washed over him. Fools. They were probably trying to make him believe they trusted him. He wondered how many features of the robotic hand they had been able to identify and sabotage. He reached out with his left to grab it and groaned when he noticed the hospital gown he was wearing. He hated those backless things. Fortunately, he was covered up with a thin blanket.

Hydra still seemed to believe they could manipulate him with this farce. And that after the ridiculous, confusing performance at the brewery. As he would ever again be so easily fooled by a fake Melinda May. The jacket she had worn when she had pointed the gun at him was still leather, but not the same cut as the jacket his Melinda May wore. Her hair was a bit too long. The boots she wore were different too. If his head hadn’t hurt, he would’ve realized that sooner.

And then they brought Trip back to live? Now that was just tasteless. He would make them pay for that.

As he attached the robotic hand, he looked around the room for some clothes, but there were none. Brilliant. And by brilliant he meant crap. He hated escaping in hospital gowns. It was always so … graceless. Hopefully he would find a nurse gown somewhere.

He flexed the fingers of the robotic hand. Worked just fine, so basic functions were given. Still, he’d better not rely on it too much on his escape.

Before he could swing his feet out of the bed to make the first steps towards freedom, the door opened and the enemy stepped in with a smile on their ridiculously handsome face.

“Hey, Phil,” Fake-Trip said. “How’re you feeling? Apologies for stunning you. The whole situation was crazy confusing, but you know. When May calls the shots, you better listen.”

Pathetic. “Antonie Triplett is dead.” Phil sneered at the imposter. “Nice try, HYDRA.”

“I take offense on that.” Fake-Trip tilted his head and grinned. “The reports of my death were highly exaggerated and HYDRA could _never_ kill me.”

That guy was so overselling this. “Just send Ward in.”

The door opened again. Hopefully Ward was finally ending this charade. In about a second Phil would know if his laser-finger was still working. And hopefully Ward would be dead.

But instead of Ward, Fake-Melinda-May entered the room. She still wore the wrong jacket and the wrong boots. Her face was blank. May’s preferred expression. At least she got right. That disgust in her expression earlier … May had never looked at him like that before. Still, this one wasn’t really May. She was an imposter. And that HYDRA imposter could hate him all she wanted, it didn’t matter. His May had talked to him. Things were getting better. Of course he would’ve to face her reaction to the Rosalind-news, but first he needed to escape HYDRA.

He really wished he wore pants.

Fake-May turned to Fake-Trip and said quietly. “Give us a minute.”

“Sure.”

Phil crossed his arms and leaned back against the headboard of the bed, trying to look as composed as possible.

Fake-May stepped next to his bed. “You slipped through a wormhole into another reality. Our reality.”

“Sure.” He had to hand it to her, she nailed May’s preferred position perfectly, the open, grounded stand, the hands loosely behind her back. But different dimension? Seriously?

“Our medical team confirmed that you’re Phil Coulson,” she continued. “They found evidence of such a dimension jump in your cells as well as evidence of a wormhole at the place I found you.”

“I jumped into another dimension of time?”

She nodded.

“Tell Ward to come in here and talk to me himself.”

“I know this is a lot to handle.”

“Stop the charade!” This was tiring! “Hydra’s getting desperate when they think that -”

He could see the tension in her arms. He was sure she was clenching her hands behind her back.

“I’m gonna let you process this,” she growled and turned around to leave.

The hell with that. “No, wait -”

She shot back around. “I can’t wait!” She glared at him. There were so many emotions on her face. Anger. Frustration. Fear. So much fear. “My husband is missing and you –“ She took a breath. “You’re missing a hand! And there’s a big scar that goes right through your –“ Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. “Wherever you came from, it’s clearly dangerous and currently my husband’s there, so I don’t have time to catch you up. I have to get him back!”

Whatever this was, this was not a HYDRA stunt. His heart was racing. Oh my god, could her version be true? “Your husband?”

She swallowed. “I’ll be back soon.” She left the room quickly. It felt like fleeing. And familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT SO FAR! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! - And special thanks to @reader-lb for testing out the beginning of the scene. - I hope you enjoy how the plot slowly thickens! Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Trip brings Phil some pants.

This was crazy. This was impossible! Another time dimension? Like, really?

But that woman that had yelled at him, that was definitely Melinda May. She didn’t show that side of her often, that vulnerable part of her that cared so very much about others. He hated seeing her scared like that. At least she wasn’t heartbroken. Yet.

His stomach tightened.

May was so unhappy. She had been unhappy for so long. And then Andrew returned and they tried again and she got better. She seemed happy when she had packed her things to leave him. - No, of course she didn’t leave him. She left SHIELD to be with the ex husband she still clearly loved.

Phil just was a colleague. A very good one. Maybe, sometimes a friend. Since she was back he tried carefully not to blur the lines again.

Since she was back, she was heartbroken again. First, because Andrew had left her, then because Andrew turned out to be Lash. And there was nothing he could do. At least not for his May.

This May was still married and worried that something bad might happen to Andrew in Phil‘s dimension. Which could only mean that nothing bad had happened to him yet. He was still normal. They were still happy.

Phil swallowed hard. He needed to get dressed. He needed to do something.

Someone knocked on the door, and Trip entered the room again. He held up a pile of clothes consisting of a suit and a white shirt.

“For you,” Trip said and placed them on the nightstand.

“Thank you.” Phil waited for Trip to leave, but he stayed next to the bed.

Trip nodded at Phil’s left hand. “Cool hand.”

Phil flexed the fingers above the blanket. “Thanks.”

Trip nodded. He was obviously working himself up to something. “So … I died in your dimension?”

Phil pressed his lips together and showed his open palms.

“That sucks,” Trip said.

“Yeah, it does.”

Trip sighed. “How did id it happen?”

“You touched an obelisk and you weren’t inhuman, so …” Phil shrugged. “It’s really good seeing you.” It really was. He missed his Trip.

Trip stared past him. This was awful.

He hoped this Melinda wouldn’t ask about her other self. He hoped she wouldn’t ask about the other Andrew Garner. It was too late to hide his scars from her. He just wished he could save her husband. At least the one from this dimension. He needed more details. As much as he gathered, two people were missing from this dimension. The Phil Coulson of this dimension and Andrew.

“Was Andrew with the other me when they vanished?” he asked.

Trip blinked and his gaze focused again. “Who vanished?”

“May’s husband and the other me?”

Trip frowned. “You’re her husband.”

“I …” The breath got caught in his throat. May’s husband. Melinda May was married to one Phil Coulson.

This was definitely a different dimension. A different world. Because he being married to her was ridiculous! Absolutely! Impossible. Because his Melinda May was – No. This was impossible.

“Are you okay?” Trip asked, sounding a little concerned.

Probably because he was acting like he was having a stroke. “Yes.” He smiled softly. “Sorry.” But it was just so implausible!

The door opened again and both Trip and Phil turned their heads to watch May appear in the entry.

“You need to get dressed, we leave in ten minutes,” she said before she gestured Trip to follow her out.

His heart ached and he didn’t want to know why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much again for all your support. Without you I would've given up today. The day was long, but here we are! Another scene to post. :) Let me know what you think of this one!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which they get some help.

He sat in the car next to her as she drove them through New York City and it felt normal. He knew it was different. He knew she wasn’t his May. But this felt exactly the same. She drove like May. The way she steered precisely, and drove fast. The way she looked back over her shoulder. Just like May.

But this May was married to him. To that other Phil Coulson. How did that even happen? When did it happen? Maybe after her divorce? Maybe this May hadn’t pulled back from him as his May had. Maybe he had called her more often. Maybe in this dimension he had helped her to heal.

Maybe – No, that was stupid. No more maybes. Thinking about that was useless. Because this May wasn’t his May and if she was really married to this dimension’s Phil Coulson, something was different about her.

She stopped in front of a red light.

And he had loved Audrey. And he had Rosalind. He had his job. His job took up most of his time anyway. Phil pressed his lips together. Detachment from his emotions was important for the job he had to do. He liked Rosalind. He didn’t trust her. But she was a calculated risk. And May was back in the field with him and though everything else was crap, at least that had felt good. Staking out the brewery with her had felt good.

It was normal to miss his best friend. And that was what May was to him. His best friend.

The light changed and she took a turn to the left before she drove into a back alley and drove down into an underground parking lot with five parking spots. Behind them, a metal gate went down and closed the entry.

The parking lot itself was well lit, the floor was plain asphalt, but the walls were covered with dark, molded wood and big backlit sheets of frosted glass. There was an elegant chrome and glass elevator that went upwards behind the parking spots. The parking spots were empty.

He recognized this place!

She parked in the spot right in front of the elevator.

Something was different about the space, but they were definitely in the underground parking lot of the Stark Tower.

He should’ve noticed that a lot sooner! He clenched his fists. How could he not have recognized that she had driven them here? He really needed to focus.

“What are we doing here?” he asked.

“Getting help.”

She had told him as much before, but why were they _here_? “What about Fitzsimmons?”

“Who’s that?” She glanced at him while she took her cell out and made a call. Then her gaze wandered to the ground. “We’re here,” she said and hung up. She put the cell back into the pocket of her leather jacket and looked at him again.

“Leopold Fitz and Jemma Simmons are two brilliant scientists working for SHIELD,” he said.

“I haven’t heard of them.”

No Fitzsimmons? He didn’t know how much more change he could take. “You should try and find them,” he said and cleared his throat. “They’re genius.”

“Noted.”

In that moment, the elevator came down, and in it Pepper Potts. She wore a blue dress and blue high heels. Her hair was in her usual low pony tail. After the elevator stopped on their level, the door opened and Pepper smiled at him. “Hello, Mr. Coulson, I’m -”

“Pepper Potts.” He smiled too. “Hello.”

Her eyes widened. “So we know each other in your dimension?”

“In my dimension you call me Phil.”

“As I do here.” Her smile widened. “Hello Phil.”

It was good seeing her. She seemed unchanged. One constant. Then again, Pepper always had been a rock. Without her Tony Stark would’ve destructed years ago.

She smiled at May. “Hello, Melinda.”

And May smiled too. A tentative smile, for a split second. But the first smile Phil had seen on her. “Hello, Pepper,” she said.

“Come in!” Pepper said. “Jane’s already awaiting you.”

May and Phil stepped into the elevator and together they went upwards.

“Jane? As in Jane Foster?” he asked. That would make sense. She was a brilliant astro-physicist.

The elevator moved up quickly.

Pepper nodded. “Exactly. She’s really excited about the wormhole. She’s a little intense, but -”

The elevator stopped, the door opened and suddenly Jane Foster stood in front of him.

““I need to scan you,” she said.

Phil blinked at her. “Uhm …”

“This is Jane,” Pepper said with a grin. “She’s rude but brilliant.”

Yeah, he remembered. Phil squinted at the scientist. “We met before.”

“You _stole_ my equipment,” Jane said.

How could she still be mad about that? “I _confiscated_ your equipment.”

Now her eyes lid up. “In your dimension too? That’s so interesting!” She grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the elevator. “Come with me.”

What other choice did he have?

She pulled him through a big room with a group of white plushy chairs in front of a huge window that opened the view to the Manhattan skyline into an even bigger room that was filled with all sorts of machines. In the middle of it stood a wooden table. One half was covered in papers and maps, the other was clear aside from a leather bound notebook and a pen.

For the next hour he got scanned and probed and scanned again whilst Jane asked him a million questions about his experience with the wormhole. That he couldn’t even answer one because he had been unconscious clearly upset her.

When she was finally done with him, she thanked him and asked him to leave as she in direction they had come from. So he went back to the room with the chairs. In two of them sat May and Pepper. May had her shoulders slumped over, Pepper touched her arm. As soon as they noticed him, May stood up.

“Jane’s done with me,” he said lightly.

Pepper grinned at him.

Then he asked what had been on his mind since they had arrived. “Where’s Stark?” Flying around with robots somewhere?

Pepper’s mouth opened and May rubbed her arm.

Something was wrong.

Pepper cleared her throat. “He died in 2012.”

“No, he didn’t.” What a stupid thing to say! Phil shook his head. “I’m sorry, I … What happened?”

“Aliens opened a wormhole into our world,” Pepper said quietly. “Tony shut it down, saved us all.”

“But the Hulk saved him,” Phil tried. Tony Stark couldn’t be dead. Tony Stark was an arrogant, all-knowing, annoying super hero. He was Iron Man. Iron Man couldn’t be dead!

“The Avengers didn’t reunite until he …” Pepper pressed her lips together. “Tony’s alive in your dimension?”

“Yes.” He sighed. “I’m so, so sorry, Pepper.”

“Is he happy?” Her voice was trembling.

At least for that he had a good answer. “Since you took over the business and allow him to play with his inventions all day, he’s very happy.”

Pepper nodded. “That’s good.” She nodded again and forced a smile. “That’s very good. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your amazing support! This was scary to write again, but for different reason. I hope I could do justice to Jane and Pepper. I adore them both so much! Please let me know what you think?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which she brings him a toothbrush.

The apartment was overwhelming. As soon as May opened the door, she switched on the lights and Phil could see the living room area that lead into the kitchen.

Everything felt warm and welcoming. The chestnut wooden floors, the big comfortable looking couch in the corner and the filled bookcases surrounded it. The white kitchen was big enough to really cook in. There was a table with two comfortable looking chairs standing in front of a big kitchen island. Two small Chinese drawings ornamented the wall next to the entry.

May dropped her keys into a blue porcelain bowl that stood on a cupboard at the left of the door, before gestured him to come in and follow her.

Together they walked past the couch and the book cases. Phil recognized some of his vintage memorabilia decorated in front of the books. A miniature of Lola was propped up next to a pair of Chinese Deer Horn Knives. In the shelf above that stood a framed picture of him and Melinda. They had their arms around each other and smiled. Behind them was a kangaroo. They looked so happy.

His stomach tightened.

They looked just like he and May did. The lines around their eyes … His wrinkles and declining hairline. He loved how her eyes just seemed to shine. The picture couldn’t be older than a few years and yet it was a lifetime away from him. A whole time dimension. He hadn’t seen her this happy in years.

This May lead him into a small floor with three doors. She pointed to the one to her right.

“Bathroom’s there.” Then she opened the door on the left and switched on the light in it. “This is our guest room.”

He assumed the third door led to their bedroom. But of course he would sleep in the guest room. A cozy looking bed with lots of throw pillows in different shades of warm grey stood in the middle, next to it a night stand with a burgundy red classic lamp on it. One wall was covered with bookshelves again, the other was dominated by a window that was framed by dark grey blends. Three potted plants stood on a wooden chest with metal linings underneath it.

He smiled at her. “It looks great, thank you.”

“Wait a sec,” she said and turned.

“Did you contact Fury yet?” he asked before she could leave. He had been wondering that ever since they left the Stark Tower. This world was so different from his.

“He’s dead.”

Phil snorted. Some things didn’t seem to change regardless the dimension. “He really loves to play that card!”

“He died in New York.” Her voice was rough.

This was true. Oh, God. He swallowed hard. “Who’s running SHIELD?”

“Hand.”

“Hand? She’s not -”

“She’s alive in this dimension.”

“What about Hill?”

“Dead.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Fury and Hill are dead?”

“Yes.” She nodded sharply. “I’ll get you some pajamas.”

She went into the other room and he stood there in the doorway like a fool. Hill and Fury were dead. Hand was alive. His mind couldn’t compute all the information. How could that be? How could Nick Fury be dead? But Hand was alive and running SHIELD. That thought filled him with some relief. Hand, true, confident, strong Victoria Hand was the head of SHIELD. She was way better equipped for the job than he was. She had always been better organized.

The last year he had been dropping one ball after the other and he didn’t know how to change that …

May returned and handed him grey sweat pants and a black shirt.

“Thank you,” he said.

She nodded shortly. Not even a hint of any warmth. The total opposite to the picture of them he had seen.

“Did we fight before I … Before he went missing?” he asked.

“Why would you ask that?”

Because he was a fool and he felt alone and she was his best friend. When she was cold towards him, he usually deserved it. “You’re just very … reserved towards me.”

She raised a brow. “I don’t know you.”

“You’re right.” He snorted. He was being ridiculous! They weren’t friends. And her Phil Coulson must be different from him. She had married him after all. “I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t things work out with us?” The question came so softly, he almost didn’t hear her. She looked to the ground.

“Excuse me?”

She tilted her head a little and looked at him. “What happened to us?” Her fingers turned the wedding ring on her left hand. “You’re not wearing your ring, so …”

“We never married.”

She stared at him like his words made no sense.

He shrugged. “We never even …” They hadn’t even kissed. He sighed again and forced a smile. “But we’re … we’re partners.”

She gave a short nod before she walked away and closed the door to the master bedroom behind her.

Well, that was a disaster.

He went into the guest room and pulled the door shut behind him. He placed the sweat pants and the shirt on the bed, before he unbuckled his belt. He was so tired. He took off the suit jacket and folded it over the chest, next to the plants.He slipped out of his pants and socks before he slipped into the sweat pants. He owned the same brand. Then he unbuttoned the shirt and folded it over the suit jacket. He was about to grab the shirt from the bed, when the door opened behind him again.

In reflex, he turned around and found May standing in the doorway, a plastic-wrapped toothbrush in her left hand.

Her gaze focused on the scar on his chest and she gasped. He could see her pulse pick up in the vein along her throat.

He held up the shirt to cover himself.

She shook her head and walked towards him, raising her right hand as in trance. “What happened to you?” she asked.

“Loki. He’s a -”

“I know who he is,” she said.

He pulled in a sharp breath when she touched his chest just beneath the scar. He didn’t dare to move.

She looked into his eyes. “It goes right through your heart.” Her eyes were widened. He had seen that look on her before. When his May had told him how it had been to hear about his death. Just heartbroken.

“This should’ve killed you,” she whispered and looked at the scar again.

“But I’m alive.” He wouldn’t tell her about the days he had been dead. This Melinda May didn’t need to know about that. She was so close, he could smell her scent. Oranges and green tea. Just like his May.

Her fingers graced the outer lines of his scar. His heart pounded against his chest so hard, he was convinced she would feel it too.

“Does it hurt?” she asked and looked again.

“Not any more.” Just sometimes, when the weather changed.

“Does this hurt?” She nodded at his robotic hand.

He grinned. “I can handle it.”

And to his utter relief, she smiled too. Just for a moment. Then she pulled away and cleared her throat.

“You should rest,” she said and handed him the toothbrush. “Fresh towels are in the bathroom under the sink. Tooth paste and everything else you might need is in the left side of the bathroom cabinet. Use whatever you like.”

“Thank you.” He swallowed. “Good night.”

“Good night.” She walked away and left him feeling homesick for something he never had had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a little late. It was just so hard to write! I know I put you through a lot of pain, but please take comfort in the thought that I suffer just as much as I write this monster! :) I hope you still enjoy it. Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Phil does sit ups.

He tried for three hours to find sleep, before he gave up.

Maria Hill was dead. Fury was dead. But Hand was alive.

He switched on the lamp on the nightstand and got out of bed.

Melinda May slept in the next room in a bed she usually shared with the other Phil, because they were married.

A version of him was married to Melinda May. A version of him had a life with her. Kisses and vacations and just … a full life.

He started doing squats next to the bed. His whole body was tingling with restless energy.

He wondered about their first kiss. About who said I love you first and if they ever fought with each other. He wanted to know about their breakfast routine. He wanted to know on which side of the bed she slept and if he got to hold her when she was sad or scared. Or both. He just wanted …

He wanted that life so much. However it might look, whatever the details were. He wanted it.

But his May … When things got intense between them, she left. She was very good at leaving him behind. Rightfully so. Ever since TAHITI, he had brought her nothing but problems and pain. How foolish he had been when he had thought bringing her in on his team might save her! Such an idiot.

He switched from squats to sit ups.

He knew she cared about him. She was protective of him. But love?

She had warned him not to blur the lines. She had told him they didn’t owe each other anything. That day she told him he meant a lot to her? He had never been this angry at her. Never.

The way she had looked at him, then. Like she was longing for something. Like she was holding back another truth.

But she loved Andrew.

He didn’t even know if she’d stay with SHIELD once Ward would be dead.

He hoped so. He would miss her.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” someone asked from the doorway.

His heart skipped a beat. And there she was, the wife he had never had. She wore black leggings and a shirt with the Captain America Star on it, that was at least two sizes too big. His shirt.

Oh God. “May.” He sat up normal. Seeing her in his shirt should hurt as it did. He swallowed hard. “Did I wake you?”

She tilted her head and squinted at him.

He got off the floor and stood up. His palms were sweating. “I’m sorry, if I did. I really didn’t mean to -”

“Phil,” she said quietly.

He took a breath. “Hm?”

“Would you like a cup of tea?” She smiled at him.

He would like to kiss her. “Tea would be nice.” Tea he could have.

He followed her to the kitchen and awkwardly stood there while she put the kettle on and got two big, blue cups out of the cupboard on the left to the oven.

She put tea bags into the cups, then drizzled in some honey, before he poured hot water over it. It smelled like Chamomile.

Not his favorite kind of tea. Usually he preferred peppermint, but he didn’t say anything. They waited in silence while the tea steeped and he felt himself relax. This felt so familiar. During their Academy times they had often drunk tea together.

Five minutes later, the used tea bags were in the trash and they both leaned against the counter, holding freshly brewed tea in their hands.

Waiting for disappointment, he took the first sip.

“That’s really good!” Yeah, he really liked this. He took another sip. Chamomile and honey was definitely a winning combination. Chamomile alone was still awful, though.

She pressed her lips together and stared into her cup.

Crap. “Did I say something wrong?”

“I always make that for you when you … when my husband can’t sleep.”

“Do I make you happy?”

She raised her gaze and looked at him.

“I’m sorry, I just …” He wanted her to be happy with him. Just once. Even if it was another dimension. He swallowed hard. “This is very strange for me.” What a very sensitive thing to say! He nibbled on his bottom lip. “This must be strange for you too.”

“How is she?” May asked. “The other me?”

Just like her. He shrugged. “Quiet. Caring. She’s …” He sighed and smiled. “She’s very smart. And tough, too. Strong. And she’s too brave for her own good. It’s infuriating sometimes.” The most important person in his life. “How’s the other me?” he asked.

“Like you.”

His heart almost stopped. Like him?

She pulled up her shoulders and tilted her head. “Did you ever consider we could ever be …?” She didn’t finish the sentence, but she didn’t have to.

“We were colleagues.” There were rules against relationships with coworkers at SHIELD. There were exceptions too. He had done his research. He just never had needed that. “Then you married Andrew and -”

“I married someone else?” she cut in, her eyes widened. Her fingers cramped around the outside of the cup.

“Andrew Garner,” he elaborated. “He’s a -”

“We met.” Her voice sounded rough. “He worked with you on a project.”

“You love him a lot. She loves him a lot.”

May looked at him blankly.

“He made you happy,” he added. “He made you laugh.”

“Did he die?”

“No.”

“But we’re not married any more.”

“No. After we went to Bahrain, things changed. She changed.”

“We never went to Bahrain.”

“In 2008, there was -”

“A welcome mission that turned sour.” She nodded. “We were on our honeymoon. We had waited for ten years to take it when we finally did … We lost five agents in Bahrain. We lost Maria.”

His mouth fell open. They lost Maria in Bahrain?

May looked at him and her eyes were so sad. For a moment he thought she might touch him again. But instead she put her cup into the sink. “I see you in the morning,” she mumbled and walked away again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick. Colds suck. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. This isn't fun. Lets hope this won't get worse because writing today was really hard. :(
> 
> Without you I wouldn've just given up on today! Thank you so much to everybody who commented! You give me the energy and the motivation I needed to push through today!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this scene. Please let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he makes pancakes.

He woke up when a door closed. Then it was quiet. And she was gone. He found a hanger hanging on the door knob. On it, a fresh suit and shirt. And a note. She wrote she would be back in a bit and that he should make himself feel at home.

While he showered, last night’s conversation repeated in his head again and again until he couldn’t take it anymore.

Pancakes, he decided once he was dressed again. He went to the kitchen. It looked clean just like he had left it last night. After May had gone to bed, he had cleaned the mugs.

Maria died in Bahrain because they had been on their honeymoon?

No.

No, he couldn’t think about that.

He found the flour in the pantry, on the top left shelf next to the sugar. He organized it at home in just that manner.

Phil pressed his lips together and carried both sugar and flour over to the working space.

He wondered if the picture with the kangaroo in the back had been taken on that trip. May had said they had gone to Australia.

And they had waited ten years for that vacation.

He didn’t want to think about how many years the other Phil had been married to this Melinda.

Because what point to it was there? None. Exactly.

Also, he needed an egg. And butter. And milk, too.

At least pancakes always made sense. He opened the fridge and the apartment door opened too.

May returned. She wore sweats and sneakers, her hair was up in a pony tail.

She looked absolutely adorable and he felt caught.

She dropped her keys in the bowl while he stood there, one hand on the handle of the fridge, one hand on a pack of butter.

He swallowed and pulled his hand out of the fridge. “I’m sorry, I … You weren’t there and your note said I could … pancakes.”

She just looked at him.

He wished she would at least frown, but she showed no clear reaction. So it was bad. Really bad. She went blank when it was bad. Otherwise she might roll her eyes or made a comment or just mock him with a raised eye brow. But this was bad.

“I’m very sorry,” he said and closed the fridge.

She looked down and slipped out of her shoes. “It’s fine.”

“I’m really sorry.”

When she looked at him again, she smiles. “Did you find everything you need?”

The smile was fake but he took it. “A scale and a mixer would be useful,” he said. “Or some measuring cups and a wooden spoon.”

“Done.” She took out a scale and a mixer from the cupboard beneath the stove, as well as a big metal bowl.

He just stood there. When she raised a brow and grinned at him, he felt even more foolish for standing around. So he got milk, butter and eggs out of the fidge and made the batter.

Meanwhile, she put the kettle on and a pan on the stove. She also got two cups and two plates from one of the cupboards as well as a big tea pot. He could feel her eyes on him, but he kept glancing at her too.

He allowed himself to fully look at her once the batter was done. She looked back at him, her arms hangind down. Sadness in her eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“It’s just …” She took a breath. “Every single movement you do … You’re exactly like him. But you’re not.”

His heart sunk.

“Did I really marry someone else?” she asked.

“Yes.”

She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Did you ever get married?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Just because. He shrugged. He wanted to leave this moment. He wanted to kiss her.

Something chirped on May’s body and she pulled her cell out of her sweater jacket. For a moment she looked at it. Then she said. “That was Pepper. She and Jane want us to meet them in fourtyfive minutes.”

“I could make more batter” he said. They had enough ingredients and still enough time. “We could bring the pancakes with us.”

“You’re just …” She stared at him and shook her head. “You’re exactly like him but we never …” Her voice broke. “So what did I do wrong? What did she do that you never … Or is it that you just never felt something in the first place?”

His heart was beating so loud, he could barely hear her.

She sighed. “I’m sorry, I –“

“You never did anything wrong,” he said and went to the fridge. “She just … She never thought of me like that.”

“Phil …”

“Are you happy with me?” He glanced at her over his shoulder. “The other me, I mean. Does he make you happy?”

“Yes, very much.”

“That’s good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cold still has me in it's grasps but I feel better than yesterday. I made some progress with the dialogue for future chapters, so yay!   
> Thank you so much for your ongoing support! You are so important to me! Let me know what you think of this one!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they have to process information.

Three hours, they left the Stark Tower in the car. May drove was controlled as ever, but her fingers grabbed the staring wheel just a little too tightly.

“I’m gonna drop you at the apartment,” she said.

Phil had a lump in his throat. If what Jane and Darcy had told them would work out, he could be home tomorrow. Of course she didn’t want to talk about that. He sighed. “May …”

“Or I could drop you in the city, if you prefer.” She glanced at him as she stopped in front of a red light. “The Captain America exhibition’s still showing.”

“There’s a Captain America exhibition?” he asked in excitement, before he bit his lip. “No.” He had more important things to focus on than a Captain America exhibition. “There’ll be another wormhole tomorrow,” he said.

She raised a brow. “And you have to pack?”

“No, I … “ He sighed again. She really made this hard. “There’s no way to contact my people,” he said.

The lights switched and May continued to drive. She pressed her lips together and he knew what he had already suspected. This would be another thing she’d rather deal with herself. And he hated that. He hated knowing that she was scared and worried. He wondered if she ever let the other Phil in, if her husband was allowed to help her through difficulties. He hoped so.

“I’d like to see the Captain America Exhibition, please,” he said.

She nodded and switched lanes.

“Do you know a Skye? Or a Daisy Johnson?” he asked then. He hadn’t seen Daisy around during the last two days. Not that he had spent much time at any SHIELD offices to actually run into her. But May didn’t know Simmons and Fitz. And he missed his people.

“Of course,” May said. “She’s the spokesperson for the Inhumans.”

Phil looked at her, his eyes widened. “She is?”

“What does she do in your dimension?”

“Working for SHIELD.”

“Are you serious?”

“I recruited her.”

She glanced at him and frowned.

Phil grinned. “And you trained her.”

She raised her brows and his grin widened.

“Have you talked to her?” he asked.

“Once, I think,” She focused on driving them through traffic. “After her mother died. Usually Hand talks to her.”

“How did Jiaying die?”

“Daisy.”

Oh. He pressed his lips together. “She didn’t have to do that in our world.”

“Jiaying is still alive?”

“No, Calvin killed her.”

“Who’s Calvin?”

“Daisy’s father.” He sighed. Still he knew that the whole event had been very tough on Daisy. “You think I could speak to her?” he asked.

She squinted at him before she looked back at the road.

“You’re right.” He sighed again. Of course she was right! “Not a good idea.” This Daisy didn’t even now this dimension’s Phil Coulson. Meeting him would probably freak her out. Tomorrow he might be back with his team. If Jane’s calculations were correct. He missed his people. He even missed Hunter.

She took a turn and he could see it, a museum with huge banners for a Captain America exhibition.

“She means a lot to you. Daisy?” May asked.

“You keep telling me I’m too close.”

“Are you in love with her?” She glanced at him.

He laughed roughly. “No. No, I’m not. I’m like an older brother. Or like an uncle, or something.” He shrugged and looked at his hands. “She’s like a daughter to me.”

“We never had kids.”

“Excuse me?”

“We didn’t want kids. I didn’t want kids. You said you didn’t want kids either.”

She had wanted children with Andrew. Phil nibbled on his bottom lip and he looked down.

“I see,” she mumbled and parked the car in front of the museum and unlocked the doors. She stared right ahead. “I’ll come get you at four.”

Damn it. “Hey!” He graced her arm with his fingers and she looked at him, her lips pressed together.

“Kids were never part of my plan,” he said and shrugged. “Daisy just found me. And she needed me, so …”

May nodded and he got out of the car before he could blab out anything else.

Daisy had been the first in a very long time to actually need him. And maybe he had needed that. With Melinda … It had always been easy for her to leave him behind. Sometimes he was grateful for that. When she had taken her vacation with Andrew he had been so grateful that she was doing something for herself. But he always missed her. She could’ve been his family. She would’ve been enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to devilgrrl for bringing up Daisy in her comment. Without her this scene would be much shorter and less angstier! (Yes, I'm totally placing blame here!) ;)  
> Thank you to reader-lb for test-reading the angst when it was still fresh. I don't know what i would do without your constant support and generosity!  
> And thank you so much to all of you for commenting and giving kudos and for just being in this with me! It's not always easy but today was a good day! - I have high hopes to rip your hearts out with the upcoming scenes I worked on today! :)  
> Let me know what you thought today's scene!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which they clean dishes.

The calm before the storm.

She had barely touched the pizza they had ordered for dinner. Now he was cleaning the dishes they had used while she toweled them off and put them away. Ever since she had picked him up at the museum, they had barely spoken.

He wondered if the thunder would start before he’d leave or if she would wait to fall apart after. He knew that was routine for his Melinda May. That was if she allowed herself to fall apart at all. He wondered if she had grieved for Andrew yet. He wished he had more to offer to her than just space. He wished she’d allow him again to just be there for her, like after Bahrain.

May put the last dish away while he dried his hands on a towel.

After she closed the cabinet, she turned to him. “I need to ask you a few things and I just need you to tell me, ok?”

His heart started racing and he swallowed dryly. “I’ll try.” He had no idea what she was about to ask, he had his fears, of course. But at least she was talking. And he had promised truth.

“What happened to your hand?” she asked and looked him straight in the eye.

Of course she went right for it. He sighed. “I had to catch a terrigen Crystal to keep it from bursting at a crowded area.” He focused on folding the towel as neatly as possible. “Mack stopped it from killing me.”

“Alphonso Mackenzie?” she asked.

He nodded and placed the towel on the counter. “Saved my life.”

“That’s the second time you almost died.”

“No, it’s not.”

She squinted at him. “You just said that if he hadn’t -”

“Part of the job,” he cut in. “I’ve almost died so often, I lost count. I lost count how often you escaped death, too.”

That was true. It just was. And he felt so heavy. Tired. Their life was dangerous. His life especially. But he had a job to do. A purpose for his second life. So he would get back to his dimension and be the director of SHIELD.

Rosalind had called him cold and detached. He wished he could be that now. He wished he wouldn’t feel at all.

There was so much sadness in her eyes, it broke his heart.

“Have you heard of TAHITI?” she asked.

His heart skipped a beat. “The island?”

“Do the words ‘ _It’s a magical place_ ’ mean anything to you?”

Oh crap. “Yes.” It felt like there was a pit in his stomach.

She pulled in a sharp breath. “Were you part of the TAHITI program?”

Please no. Please not that. He took the towel and ran it over the counter, drying off imaginable water droplets. “I ran it.”

“But where you … Those scars you have … Did Loki …” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Did Loki kill you?”

This was killing him! He didn’t want to tell her. He didn’t want to look at her. He just focused on the towel.

“Just please …” She walked up to him. “They tried to bring Stark back, but it didn’t work.” Her fingers graced his arm. “Did it work in your dimension?”

He met her gaze. “I’m fine now,” he mumbled.

She caught her breath. He could see the thoughts running wild behind her eyes.

“He’ll come back,” he said. “My people are genius and brilliant and … they’ll know, ok?” They just had to. “He’ll come back to you tomorrow. They’ll get him back to you.” Her husband just had to return to her.

“You died over there,” she said. Her voice was low and dry.

“Just once.”

She wrapped her arms around herself.

His heart broke. How could he defend himself against this? He wished he could just hug her. He wished he could be enough for her. He looked away. “I’m fine now.”

“If you make it back, tell him I love him, ok?”

Oh God. “Melinda …”

She shook her head. “Just promise me.”

“I promise.” What else could he do?

“Thank you.” She sounded resigned and content in that.

He hated when she did that! He hated when she settled for crumbs! She deserved so much more. She deserved so much better. “If he’s still there when I get home, I’ll get him back to you,” he said sternly.

She stayed silent.

“I promise that, too,” he added.

This time he walked out on her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating early today because internet's fishy. Let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he does math.

Phil rolled on his side and rearranged his blanket. Sleep wasn’t possible.

Seven more hours until the second wormhole would open. Seven more hours and he might get home. Or be lost in another dimension. Doctor Foster said it was probable that the wormhole would open between the same dimensions again, but still, there was the possibility for something else.

Just seven more hours.

He turned around again and stared into the dark. He would’ve spent less than 72 hours in this dimension. Less then 72 hours with a Melinda May that actually loved him.

Just that she didn’t actually loved him but another version of himself.

All her words repeated themselves in his mind while he tried to put the pieces of this other life together.

She had said they went on their Honeymoon in 2008, so they had been married for seven years at least. She had said they had waited 10 years to go there. Which meant, they had been a couple for at least seventeen years!

Seventeen years …

He sighed.

There was just no way to get comfortable in this bed! He changed position for maybe the hundredth time this night.

A door opened and closed outside his room and his ears perked up. May?

Nothing but silence followed. But May moved like a cat. She wouldn’t make sounds. Good enough reason to get out of bed and see if she maybe was in the kitchen. He could use some tea.

He switched on the nightstand and stood up. As soon as he opened the door to his room, he could see a dim light coming from the kitchen and he smiled.

Barefoot, he walked towards it to find May holding the water kettle under the sink.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” she asked, without turning around.

“I’d love one.”

She turned the water on and filled the kettle. Like last night, he watched her prepare tea for them. If he could, he would spent the rest of his nights like that. Just with her, in some kitchen, in peace.

But this wasn’t his life. And he had to go back.

She smiled at him as she handed him his cup of tea. With both hands wrapped around her cup, she leaned back against the counter and took a sip.

“I did some math and …” He just had to ask so he could stop thinking about it. “Have we really been married for seven years?”

“Seventeen years,” she said and looked into the cup. “Just took us a long time to go on our honeymoon.”

He tried to clear the lump in his throat. “Seventeen years?”

She nodded.

“How long have we been dating before that?”

She tilted her head and pulled her shoulders up.

“Please, I answered your questions and I just …” He was torturing himself, but he couldn’t stop. “Please.”

“We’ve been dating since 1995.”

His heart skipped a beat. “We were fresh out of the academy back then.”

“Yes.”

“We’ve been together for twenty years?”

“Yes.”

“How?” He swallowed dryly. “Who made the first move?”

“I kissed you.”

“And then?”

She looked down. “Then it was too hard for us to stop.”

That he could believe. He wouldn’t want to stop kissing her either. Twenty years. And he hadn’t even kissed her once!

“What happened in Bahrain?” she asked quietly.

He looked at her. How could she do this? Whenever he thought he had reached his capabilities of feeling, she asked for more from him. “Please …”

“You said I changed after Bahrain.”

He swallowed hard. “You saved us at your own expense.” She had saved his life so many times. He had thought he was her problem. And now she told him they had twenty years. Stable years, as it looked like. Happy years, without constant loss and betrayal and trauma. “She’s just so unhappy,” he whispered. And he couldn’t reach her. He wasn’t even sure if she wanted him to reach her. He missed her so very much.

May put her cup down.

He pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t -” He pulled in a sharp breath when her fingers graced his.

She took the cup from his hands and put it on the counter.

“She’s losing everything, it’s not fair,” he mumbled and looked at her. “You deserve so much better.” Everything she had endured after Bahrain, she had endured for him, he knew that. She had told him that. Because of her connection with him she had returned in the field and had met Ward. Because of him, she had lost Andrew again. “I’m so sorry, Melinda. I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t even hesitate, she just rubbed his arms like his Melinda would do. He wanted to go home. He wanted to stay forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My ears hurt. Internet's still messing with me. *sigh*  
> Without you guys I would've given up on posting on today. I hope you like this chapter! Writing today was tough.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they stand in an alley.

In less than twenty minutes he could be home. In less than twenty minutes he’d have to leave. Jane and her team already sat up their equipment at the shopping mall. Jane made a face like they were preparing for the biggest party of the season. In astro-physic’s terms, that might be accurate. She and her team had calculated that another wormhole would open in this mall. More precisely, the shoe shop they currently stood in front of.

They had to close down the whole mall for this operation. Wormholes were clearly a safety issue, but the FBI publicist had told the public this morning that there was a gas leak that needed to be fixed. The FBI was in charge of public relations while SHIELD handled the operation itself.

May supervised and it had been so lovely to watch her work. Quiet, calm and in charge. He recognized side of her. But her shoulders were tense and she kept herself just a little too straight, held her head just a little too high. She was worried, he recognized that too.

But all he could do was try to not stand in the way, so he had retreated to a little alley between two shops that lead to the mall’s bathrooms. From here he could observe without being on the spot himself.

With her hands behind her back, she stepped next to him.

He smiled at her but she didn’t return it but looked straight ahead. They both watched Dacry install a little sensor at the inside door of the shoe shop.

“Maybe you should stay,” she said quietly.

Yes. He wanted to be with her. Yes. He pressed his lips together.

“We can’t be sure the wormhole will connect the same dimensions again,” she added. “Maybe you should stay and come home with me.”

“I’m not your husband.” He wasn’t the man she loved and this wasn’t his home. Seventeen years of marriage. Twenty years of their life together that he didn’t remember because the memories weren’t his. He forced himself to smile. “He’ll come back to you in a few minutes and then this will be so awkward.”

She took a deep breath. And another. “I can’t bear losing you,” she mumbled.

He looked at her. “You won’t lose me.”

She still avoided his gaze. He brushed his arm against hers and finally she turned to him.

“He’ll be back!” he said more cheerful than he felt. “You’ll be happy.”

She just looked at him with these big brown eyes and nibbled on her bottom lip. She had the same expression in her eyes he had seen on Melinda when she had told him that he meant a lot to him. Or that she would never shot him in the head.

“I love you,” he said. And it felt like such a relief. He loved her so much. Had loved her for so long.

May reached up and cradled his face in her right hand. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. Her thumb caressed his cheek. He missed her so much!

And he had never been more jealous of anyone as he was of the other Phil Coulson. He hoped the man appreciated her. He hoped he’d love her just as much.

Her lips touched his gently and she pulled back.

Her hand glided down his arm, then she wrapped her fingers around his palm and squeezed. “You can’t stay.”

“I can’t.” His voice broke. He wanted to kiss her again, but this was meaningless, wasn’t it? He missed knowing her. He missed being familiar with their history. He wanted to go home.

“Tell her,” she said.

His mouth felt dry.

“Telling me does nothing.” She squeezed his hand again. “You need to tell her.”

Before she had left him she had warned him about blurring lines. He was someone she worked with. He knew he had disappointed her so often during the last two years. And he knew she loved Andrew. He had seen the pain on her face after they had locked him into the box to keep Lash contained.

“I can see you making up excuses, you know?” May said and squinted at him. “Just tell her.”

“What good would that do?” he asked. What else would it be than a selfish act?

“It’s starting!” Jane called from in front of the shoe shop. She held a hand scanner up and beamed at them, fortunately unaware of what was going on between them.

“I have to leave,” he mumbled. He didn’t want to let go of her hand. He put a smile on his face. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

She smiled, too. Sad smiles all around.

“Tell her,” she said and squeezed his hand one last time before she let go. “If she’s anything like me at all, she’ll want to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments and support! I hope you enjoyed the scene, because it scared the crap out of me to write it! Please let me know what you think. :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda points her gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your constant support throughout this CRAZY experience. Today I got really close to just calling it a night and not post. you have no idea how much for words mean to me! Thank you so much for being there for me!

Her ears rang from the loud explosion. Her palms were bruised from when she had to catch her fall. Being thrown ten feet through the air never was fun. Her left wrist hurt, probably strained, not broken. Her head hurt. Her eyes burned.

But this was so much worse. Her stomach pulled into a tight knot as she pulled out her gun.

The suit was wrong, his hair was too short and the real Phil Coulson had no scar above his left eyebrow. And he definitely didn’t have a left hand.

That person lying unconscious on the floor was not Phil Coulson.

She hated these damn face masks. How gullible did Ward think she was if he could think she would fall for this

She nudged the HYDRA agent with her right foot. “Wake up,” she hissed.

The man groaned and blinked. “Melinda …” he mumbled.

He sounded like Phil. She concentrated on her own breathing. Losing it right now would not help. Killing that man would not help. Her insides felt like ice, her heart was pounding. She had to keep it together. She had to! So she nudged him again, harder this time, but still controlled. “What did you do to him?”

He blinked and raised himself up on his elbow while he ran his right hand over his face. “What is going on?” His voice was rough.

He moved like Phil. And he sounded so much like Phil when he was trusting and vulnerable; she just wanted to punch him right in the face. How dare he? She glared at him and took the safety off. “Where’s Phil Coulson?”

His eyes widened. “I’m right here!”

Great actor, she gave him that. That was a believable performance of confusion and hurt. She glared at him. “Just tell me where he is.”

He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Mack’s voice chirped up from the tiny communicator attached to her leather jacket, “Coulson? May?”

With a racing heart she waited a moment for Phil to respond in that silly, crazy, ridiculous hope that maybe he still was on grounds somewhere. But nothing happened. Because Phil was gone. She had looked for him after she had gotten herself off the floor. She had tried to contact him. But all she had found was that liar right in front of her.

With her left hand, she tapped against it to activate the speaker while she kept her gun pointed at the hostile agent. “I need backup now!” she said.

“On my way,” Mack replied.

Fake-Phil stared at her. “Melinda, what’s going on?”

“Don’t call me that!” She hated the tenderness with which he said her name. She hated this so much!

“Melinda -”

“Call me that again and I take out your knee cap!” And she would take pleasure in it.

“I don’t understand …” He shook his head.

She didn’t have time for this crap! “Where’s Coulson?” she growled. God, she wanted to hurt this man. She wanted to pull that lying mask off his lying face and break his nose.

Foot steps approached. If it were hostile agents, she would have to punch out fake-Coulson so she could take care of the new threats, which would mean she’d have to wait for him to wake up again so she could interrogate him. Then again, she could interrogate the new prisoners she’d take. Someone would tell her where they were hiding him. And then she would get him back. Because she would not lose him. She couldn’t. She moved her position so she could see the entry from which the noise was coming.

To her relief, Mack and Hunter entered the room with their weapons pulled.

Hunter sighed and shook his head when he laid eyes on fake-Phil.

“I hate these face masks.”

They agreed on that. Melinda pressed her lips together.

“Did you catch Ward?” she asked taking her eyes off the HYDRA agent.

“He escaped.” Hunter’s expression darkened.

“Daisy and Lincoln went after him,” Mack added.

“Who’s Ward?” Fake-Phil tried to sit up but she moved her gun towards him and he settled back in.

“Tell me where Coulson is and you can go,” she said. She just wanted him back. If she’d get him back, he could go. She wouldn’t even care.

He looked at her with pleading eyes. “Please, Melinda …”

She just wanted him back! She shot and placed a bullet into the ground not even half an inch from fake-Phil’s left knee. Because she had him contained and she didn’t torture. For now. “Don’t ever call me that again,” she hissed and enjoyed the sudden flash of fear in his eyes.

She turned to Hunter and Mack. “Take him in.”

Hunter grinned and fired his stun gun.

Watching fake-Phil wince from the electric shock hurt. That mask had to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was such an emotional write, I can't even. (Still being sick didn't help)  
> But finally I can tell you that yes, we'll see the flipside of events! Writing May is always emotional to me because she's such a rich and intense character (she's my fav) and gosh, this chapter is so hard on her … I hope I could do it justice and I hope you all suffered reading this (because I really suffered writing this!)  
> Let me know what you thought! Did you cry? Is it bad that you crying would make me happy? (I almost cried writing this, shhhhh)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Melinda gets new info.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF LOVE to the wonderful reader-lb. Happy birthday, friend!

An hour was already gone. Melinda swallowed hard as she watched Simmons and Fitz work on the HYDRA agent in the hospital container they had designed for injured Inhumans. Thanks to Hunter’s crappy idea to stun him, the man was still out and useless.

Phil was missing for an hour and her only lead was unconscious. He still looked like him. If Hunter had fried the electrics of the mask, so that they couldn’t take it off, Melinda might actually punch him. Looking at that stranger knowing full well that the real Phil Coulson was probably tortured by HYDRA, just pissed her off. This took too long!

Ten minutes ago, Daisy and Lincoln had returned without Ward. Now they were in the computer room, working through the surveillance footage of businesses and streets close to the brewery in hope to find new leads. So far nothing.

And Phil was still missing.

Finally Simmons and Fitz came out of the container. They kept glancing at each other as Melinda walked up to them. Both had their shoulders pulled up. Melinda squinted and Fitz swallowed hard.

“We checked everything …” Simmons said and her fingers rubbed over the corners of the tablet she was holding.

“Twice, actually,” said Fitz and swallowed again.

“It’s him.” Simmons gave a nod. “It’s definitely him.”

Melinda frowned. What the hell were these two talking about now?”

Simmons took a deep breath. “The man in the room is definitely Phil Coulson. We tested his DNA twice.”

“Three times!” said Fitz.

Melinda could just stare at them. They were making no sense! That man couldn’t be Phil Coulson! Did HYDRA clone him? How? And why? What was going on? And where the hell was the real Phil? She just wanted him back now!

Simmons swallowed. “We found something else.”

A lead? Anything useful? Because, please, please, she just needed something to do. She was going insane.

“We found evidence for a wormhole,” Fitz said very quickly.

A wormhole?

“We think that Phil slipped through a wormhole from a different dimension,” Simmons added just as quickly. “ And we’d like to go back to the brewery to check the area for more evidence.”

“Do that. Take Bobbi and Mack.” Melinda gave a short nod. A wormhole this time. Of course. A wormhole to another time dimension, no less. She always had hated these multiverse theories.

So Phil was trapped in another universe. Brilliant. Ever since he had been missing, she couldn’t really breathe. And now he was in another freaking time dimension? How should she save him from that? How the hell was she supposed to get him back?

Fitz walked away, but Simmons stayed and graced Melinda’s arm.

“It’s him,” Simmons said softly. “And he’s alive and healthy. If he could slip through that wormhole and survive, logic dictates that our Phil’s alive too.”

Melinda smiled at her. She was so sweet. And tough and strong. Melinda wished she could’ve protected her better. But she was so proud of that woman in front of her.

“He’s gonna wake up soon,” Simmons said. “Will you talk to him?”

That Phil Coulson was her only link to her Phil, so of course. Melinda nodded. “Let me know when you find something.”

“Of course.” Simmons smiled and walked after Fitz.

Melinda went straight into the container, where some version of Phil Coulson lay on the bed. He looked so peaceful, like he was just asleep.

She stepped next to the bed.

And he looked so whole. Both arms rested above the sheets. He wore one of these stupid hospital gowns. She had caught a glimpse of his chest earlier and she new that on him, there wasn’t a scar. Well, not that scar. Not that big scar he got from surviving death.

But a smaller one on his shoulder, it looked like a cut from a knife.

And he had both hands.

He was whole.

Melinda forced her hands behind her back. She wouldn’t touch him. But god, she wanted to.

He shifted and blinked before he opened his eyes.

She straightened up. His eyes looked exactly the same, every spec of color in them. This was Phil. Oh God. This was Phil. And he smiled at her, that soft, tender smile. He looked so happy to see her.

She hoped her Phil was okay. She hoped he was save.

“I had the strangest dream,” this Phil mumbled.

She felt like living a nightmare. She felt like she hadn’t woken up from it ever since she had to take out that girl. “You traveled through a wormhole and landed in another time dimension,” she said. “Our time dimension.”

He grinned. “That’s your worst prank yet.”

“You’re in the hospital area of the playground,” she added and clenched her hands. “You’re healthy. Fitzsimmons went back to the brewery to investigate.” She swallowed, her mouth felt dry. “Is there anything you remember from before I found you?”

He frowned at her. “You pointed a gun at me.”

This was wrong. This was all wrong! “Do you remember how you got here?” she asked again.

“You threatened my kneecap!”

She pressed her lips together and looked at him.

“And you were very scared,” the other Phil added quietly. He raised himself up on his elbows and frowned at her. “You’re still scared.”

He was in the wrong place but he was whole. And her best friend had died and they had survived that and their betrayals after that. And now, when he had started to actually talk to her again, to trust her again, even when it was with his feelings for another woman, he was missing. And she might never get him back. She was so scared she wouldn’t be able to protect this one either. She hadn’t been able to protect Andrew. She hadn’t been able to save him.

“Are you sure this isn’t one of your pranks?” he asked with fake hope in his voice.

She nibbled on her bottom lip.

He sighed heavily. “Your hair’s longer. I never saw you in that shirt.”

She waited and watched the emotions run over his face. Confusion. Fear. Worry.

“You thought I had been abducted …” He frowned again. “A wormhole?” he asked and sighed again. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Then the door opened behind them and Hunter stuck his head in. “Agent Price wants to speak to the director,” he said.

May gritted her teeth and nodded at Hunter.

Just what she needed now.

“I’ll let you process this,” she said to the other Phil and walked out to face the director’s new girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, this is killing me! I hope you enjoy this! Let me know what you think!  
> EDIT: Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I totally messed up and didn't edit the dialogue in this scene after rewriting parts of the dialogue in scene 13. I knew this would happen with me writing sick! I'm so sorry. :(


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil asks for a suit.

Melinda followed Hunter out of the container. Price stood outside on the hallway with her hands on her hips and her chin up. Today she wore a dark grey suit with a dark red blouse and stilettos. Melinda preferred her black boots. They still granted her the advantage of making herself taller, but the sturdier heels made them suitable for a fight, should it come to it. And lately, it usually did.

Two SHIELD agents blocked her way to the container, but she still stood close enough to get a good look through the glass window and at the other Phil. Before Melinda walked up to her, she changed a setting on the control console of the container that was right next to its door and the glass tinted milky white, granting their new guest a bit of privacy.

The two agents stepped away as soon as Melinda and Hunter were close enough to take their place.

“Is this really necessary?” Price asked, annoyed.

“Standard protocol,” Hunter said and grinned. Of course he enjoyed these tedious things when he hadn’t to go through them himself. That and he didn’t trust Price. Neither did Melinda, so they had at least that in common. That Price was sleeping with Phil didn’t mean much. She had slept with Ward and he was one of the worst people she had ever meet. Phil was so much better with people. She wished he’d be here. She wished she’d knew where he was. She just wished he was still alive.

“I want to talk to Coulson,” Price said.

“Coulson slipped through a wormhole into another dimension,” Melinda said and flexed her hands behind her back. “That’s not him.”

Price snorted and crossed her arms. “Yeah, right.”

Melinda looked at her. She didn’t want to like Price, but she did. She was smart. She was snarky. Melinda had the feeling that she wouldn’t take any of Phil’s bullshit and that was something.

He needed something. He deserved something good in his life. The way he had worked himself ever since he had started carving had to stop. She shouldn’t have left him when she did. She wished she could just leave him behind and not feel guilty. She wished she could leave him behind and not miss him.

But first she would get him back.

Price took a small step back. “You’re serious.”

Of course she was!

Price let her arms sink. “Shit.” She took a breath. “Shit!”

Most definitely. Melinda gritted her teeth. “I’ll get him back.”

Price’s eyes widened, then she pressed her lips together and nodded. “Did you catch Ward?” she asked quietly.

Hunter tensed up. “We’ll get him,” he growled.

Price sighed and nodded at the container. “Who’s he?”

“A different Phil Coulson,” Hunter said dryly.

“I want to talk to him,” Price said and stepped forward again. “I want to help.”

“I contact you when we need something,” Melinda said. She looked at Hunter and raised a brow.

With a grin, he guided Price away.

She clearly wasn’t happy about that. But Phil was missing, other Phil was still mostly a mystery and Melinda had enough to worry about.

Focusing on breathing calmly, Melinda returned to the container. When she opened the door, she found the other Phil sitting on the bed with his bare legs dangling over the edge. The blanket was wrapped around his shoulders.

“Any chance you carry around a fresh suit for me?” he asked and smiled. “I hate these hospital gowns.

Her Phil did too. And she should’ve thought of bringing him fresh clothes! His old clothes had been dissected by Fitzsimmons for clues.

“I’ll bring you some clothes later,” she said. “For now, do you remember anything?”

He crossed his ankles. “Where’s the Phil Coulson from this universe?”

“Missing.”

He pressed his lips together and sighed. “We busted an illegal arms trade ring in the brewery,” he said quietly. “Then something exploded. That’s the last thing I remember.”

“Thank you.” So Phil had traveled from one explosion to another. She clenched her fingers behind her back. But he was okay. He just had to be. Because this Phil was, so her’s was too, right? This had to be how it worked. And she would switch them back and they would survive and everything would be good. This just couldn’t end like this one crappy Star Trek episode that Phil had made her watch the time she had fractured her right index finger. In that stupid episode there had been two multiverses too and just one version of that space ship had survived. If this would be the case here, Melinda was sure that it would be her world that would deconstruct. It had already begun, hadn’t it? The other Phil had never died.

She pressed her lips together. God, he looked so good. There was an ease about him she hadn’t seen on her Phil for at least a year.

The other Phil looked to where Price had stood before. “That woman?” he asked. “Wasn’t that Jane Thompson?”

“That’s one of her aliases,” Melinda said. Was he sleeping with her in the other time dimension too? Was she the reason he seemed so grounded? “She goes by Rosalind Price now. We share intel with her and her organization sometimes.”

“Does she have any new information?”

“Nothing yet.”

Phil tilted his head. “She seemed very upset.”

“That might be because she’s your girlfriend.”

He squinted and leaned forward. “I cheated on you?”

Cheated on her? What?

Phil straightened up. “That stupid prick!” he hissed and shook his head. His hands clenches around the edges of the bed. “He _cheated_ on you?”

What was he talking about? Melinda pressed her lips together and waited for him to make sense. When she let her Phil ramble on for long enough, she could usually piece together what he was trying to convey.

Suddenly it was as if all energy had left him. His shoulders sunk and he looked at her with widened eyes. “Are we divorced?” he asked, it was almost a whisper.

Her heart stopped. _Divorced_? “We were never married,” she mumbled.

He crumbled and just looked at her with pleading eyes. She had to get out.

“I’ll get you some fresh clothes,” she said and fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF LOVE to all of you wonderful, supportive people! After still being sick and freaking out and almost giving up on this whole thing, I could share this chapter with you. Thank you. I hope you enjoy this! Let me know what you think!?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda grabs a go-bag.

Melinda closed the doors of Phil’s office behind her and took a breath. And another one.

Married? They were married in that other universe?

She wanted to know every detail about that, how pathetic was that?

She pressed her lips together and waited for her heartbeat to slow down again.

Married.

That devastated look in his eyes after she said that never happened here. He really seemed to love his wife. So how could that be her in any version?

She knew he felt respect for her. Even admiration for her combat skills. But love?

She was his partner. Sometimes, at least, when protocol didn’t get between them. And sometimes they were friends. He was a friend. And sometimes, on a good day, she could be his. She had missed him so much after she quit the field work to sit behind a desk. And after he had died … She hadn’t slept for two days after Hill had told her.

And he came back and she thought she’d get to make things up to him, to protect him better this time. But he lost a hand and now he was missing.

And Andrew … He was stuck in a container and there was nothing she could do. And he just was stuck there because he had survived her shooting him. She had shot Andrew.

Oh God.

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath. When she opened them again, she turned away from the door and went straight to Phil’s desk. Fortunately the go-bag with still in the same place she remembered it to be. She opened it and checked if anything was missing, but it wasn’t. Suit, shirt, tie, boxers and two pairs of socks.

Married … Melinda wondered if the other her had bought him some of the clothes they had found him in.

She pressed her lips together, closed the bag and walked out of the office.

Just in time to watch Fitzsimmons and Mack walk towards the lab. Fitz and Simmons both carried metal briefcases, while Mack carried a big metal trunk on his back.

“We found data!” Mack said and walked past her and into the lab.

Fitzsimmons stopped in front of her.

Simmons nodded. “Tons of it, actually. So much information! We’ll have to work through it, of course. It’s very fascinating.”

“But we need more time,” said Fitz.

“Or help.” Simmons nodded again. “This is heavy astro-physics, May.”

“We could get through it …”

“… and probably find a solution …”

“ … eventually.” Fitz said.

“But with help …”

“ … we would get there a lot faster.”

Simmons took a breath and looked at Melinda with big, puppy dog eyes. “Is it true that Dr. Foster and Dr. Selvig currently reside at the Stark Tower?”

Of course! Simmons was indeed brilliant! Jane Foster was exactly who they needed. “I’ll handle this,” Melinda said and held out Phil’s go-bag. “Give this to Coulson, please?”

Frowning, Simmons gave her briefcase to Fitz and took the bag. “Are we kicking him out?”

Melinda didn’t have time to raise a brow before Simmons shook her head nervously. “Of course not,” she added and sighed with relief. “He just needs fresh clothes.”

Melinda rolled her eyes. This girl, really.

“I’ll take it to him,” Simmons said and smiled. She and Fitz exchanged a short look, before Fitz followed Mack while Simmons walked towards the container.

As soon as they were gone, Melinda took out her cell and called Hill.

“It’s me,” she said as soon as Hill picked up.

“What happened?” Hill asked.

“Phil Coulson fell through a wormhole into another time dimension while another Phil Coulson appeared in our time dimension.”

Hill took a deep breath.

“I need Dr. Foster and Dr. Selvig to help me get Coulson back,” Melinda added and swallowed.

“Where’s the other Coulson?” Hill’s voice sounded throaty.

“With me at the Playground. The side of impact is that old brewery outside of New York City.”

“Got it. We’re coming to you. See you in two hours.”

“Thank you.” Melinda sighed and closed her eyes. Thank you. Things finally started happening.

She was about to hang up, when she heard Hill say, “May?”

“Hm?”

“Foster’s the best,” Hill said quietly. “We’ll get him back. ”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Phil asks about Fury.

Melinda knocked on the door to the container, her palms sweated and she felt stupid for being so nervous.

“Come in!” He sounded exactly like Phil.

She opened the door and he stood in front of the bed, now dressed in pants and shirt. He glanced up at her while he fixed his tie. She stayed at the doorway, one hand on the handle. She wouldn’t stay long.

“Usually I’ve got a mirror to help me with that,” he said and smiled.

She clenched her hand around the door knob. “Hill will bring help in two hours.”

“Hill’s alive?” He dropped his arms and straightened up. “Where’s she now?”

“Stark Tower. Ever since Hydra’s takeover, she works for Tony Stark.”

He clasped his hands together. “Tony’s alive too?” Now he was beaming.

Wasn’t he in his dimension? “Yes.”

“That’s fantastic news.” He grinned all over his face. “That’s fantastic! What about Fury?”

“In hiding.”

His eyes widened. “Fury’s alive?”

“Yes.”

“That’s wonderful!” He sighed in happy relief, before he pulled his brows together. “Wait, did you just say _HYDRA’s takeover_?”

“Yes.” She tilted her head. Was everything better in his universe?

“What happened?” he asked.

She swallowed hard and titled her head. “HYDRA infiltrated SHIELD and exposed it to the public whilst attacking civilians.”

“No.” He shook his head. “No, we caught Garrett, we contained it, we …” He took a breath. “That didn’t happen here?”

She pressed her lips together. They had been betrayed by so many people … Ward, Garrett … She wondered how he’d feel if he’d know that she had betrayed him too. But he would never know that. Because she would never tell him that he had died. And so he would never need to know what she did for him.

They hadn’t talked about her betrayal. Too many things just kept happening and … No. Of course they could’ve talked about that. But he hadn’t want to and she didn’t want to push her luck. It just was one of those things they never talked about. Like Bahrain. Like Audrey.

“But Fury didn’t die in New York?” the other Phil asked and looked at her with so much trust in his eyes, it hurt.

“No, he didn’t,” she said and lifted her chin.

“Is he here?”

“No.”

He squinted. “Then why did Thompson come here?”

“She didn’t come here to see Fury.”

“But when he’s alive -”

“He’s not currently the director of SHIELD.”

“You’re the director of SHIELD?” His eyes widened.

Yeah, no. “You are.”

He sighed and nodded slightly. “That makes more sense.”

What was that supposed to mean?

“You really hate politics!”

True. But still.

He pulled up his shoulders and tilted his head. Her Phil had the same look on his face whenever he’d try to soothe her, too. “I’m the director of SHIELD?” he asked with a smile. “Am I any good?”

She squinted at him. “You have your moments.”

“And you to kick my ass when I’m out of line.” His smile widened.

She looked down. Lately he hadn’t cared much about her opinion. He had shut her out. Ever since he had started carving, he had shut her out. Maybe even before that. Maybe he hadn’t let her back in since he found out about her calls to Fury behind his back.

But he had told her about Price. And that was something, right?

The other Phil frowned at her. “What happened between us?” He stepped towards her. “What did I do?”

What was she supposed to answer?

“Melinda, what did he do?”

“Life just happened.” She pressed her lips together. “I have to go. We’ll get you once Hill arrives.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news: I got new meds yesterday and I feel like they're working and I'm about to beat this stupid cold!   
> Today was an angsty write. I hope it hurt you just a little to read it! (I felt like hugging Melinda!)  
> Let me know what you think!?


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he walks after her.

Life just happened …

Melinda stepped out of the container and closed the door behind her. Her heart was racing.

So Hill and Fury went into hiding together.

Yes, she’d focus on that. That was worth pondering. She walked away with her hands clenched and her lips pressed together.

Because they couldn’t be dead, could they? Besides, Fury had kept that secret from them until he had returned to save Fitzsimmons. What it seemed like, the other SHIELD just wasn’t in enough trouble to trigger Fury’s return so far. It was curious though, why Hill and Fury would hide if SHIELD hadn’t been overthrown by HYRDA.

Behind her the container door opened again.

“Please, you’re my best friend,” Phil said. “Please.”

She glanced back at him but kept walking. “I have to …” _to what?_ There was not much she could do but wait for Hill bring Dr. Foster and Dr. Selvig over, so they could help them bring this Phil back to where he belonged.

Right now he followed her as they walked through one of the kitchen areas of the Playground.

He stopped next to the kitchen counter. “Please, can we just talk?” he said and gestured at the stove. “I could make pancakes.”

She stopped too and turned to him.

He swallowed. “You love pancakes. Remember when you made me burn them?”

He was unbearably adorable. But what was he talking about?

“That was our first kiss,” he added. “Remember?”

They never kissed. Not once. Not for real. That one kiss during an undercover mission didn’t count. Besides, she had been engaged to Andrew by then. And Phil had been so happy for her.

He took a breath and placed his hand on the counter. “You didn’t kiss me.” His lips pressed together, he gave a short nod. “And I’m being creepy and coming on way too strong. I’m sorry, I am. I stop now. I just …” He sighed. “You look like my wife and I just. I’m sorry.”

Their first kiss had happened over pancakes? When? How long ago? She swallowed. Like that would matter. “I’ll get you back to her,” she said and turned away again. Her stomach was in knots. “I promise.”

“Are you happy?” he asked.

Her heart skipped a beat. “Excuse me?”

“Are you happy here?”

How was she supposed to answer that? Especially when he looked at her like this? She knew what he wanted to hear. One short yes and a fake smile and he might be satisfied. But he looked like Phil. And they agreed to not lie to each other anymore, so she just looked at him.

He tilted his head and sighed again, before he ran his hand over his face. He looked tired. “Did Hydra really infiltrate SHIELD?” he asked.

That was something she could talk about. “Yes.”

“And now we’re underground?”

“Yes.”

“But Hill didn’t die in Bahrain?”

It felt like someone just had punched her in the stomach. “Bahrain?”

He titled his head. “It was supposed to be a welcome mission, that turned sour -”

Her heart was racing. “That happened here, too.”

“We were on our Honeymoon, when it did.” he said and snorted. “Except that we were not because we never married.” He exhaled and pulled up his shoulders.

No. Just. No. Hill never had gone to Bahrain. Because they had gone to Bahrain. Honeymoon? They had been on a honeymoon?

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Where did we go?” she asked and cleared her throat. “On our honeymoon?”

“Australian outback.” He smiled just a bit. “Because you like isolated places and I like kangaroos.”

“Did we see any?”

He nodded. “We got to feed them.”

“That sounds nice.” It sounded fantastic. God, she wanted that life. Just for a day.

“It really was,” he said and sighed. “While we were there, Hill lead this mission in Bahrain. It was the first contact with Inhumans – At least for us. We lost Maria and four other agents before Jiaying took the girl away.”

What? “The girl survived?”

“Yes. Didn’t she?”

“Where is she now?” Breathing got hard.

“She lives at Afterlife, I think.” He frowned. “What happened to her here?”

“She died.” Her eyes started burning. Shit. Shit!

“Melinda?” He frowned and reached out his hand. “What happened to you?”

She held up her hands and took a step back.

He wrung his hands together. “Please, just …”

“I’m fine,” she mumbled. “But my friend’s missing and I have to go.”

This time he let her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had SUCH a good writing day today, so I'm updating five hours early! YAY! Thank you all for still being in this with me! I hope you enjoy this (as painful as it might be). Let me know what you think?


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which she does Tai Chi.

She hadn’t cried. And she wouldn’t. She just wouldn’t.

Melinda concentrated on synchronizing her breathing with her movements. She was in the training room of the right wing of the Playground, two rooms to the left of Fitzsimmons’ lab.

Three hours ago, Fitzsimmons had vanished in that lab, accompanied by a very excited Jane Foster and a confused looking Phil Coulson. Hill had left shortly after. Hunter would drive the scientists back to the Stark Tower, once they were finished. Telling him he’d be the designated driver had been fun.

After that, she had gone through some paperwork that had piled up in Phil’s office, until she had found his glasses under an opened folder.

But she didn’t cry. And she wouldn’t.

So she had gone to the training room, where she had beaten on a sand bag until her hands hurt. And now she was bring her routine to an end with some Tai Chi. Usually that relaxed her, but tonight it didn’t. Her muscles felt tired and loose, but her mind was still spinning.

The girl had lived. Maria had died. And they had been on their honeymoon in Australia.

What was she supposed to do with that information?

The door to her left opened and from the corner of her eye she saw Phil standing in the doorway. He didn’t wear the suit jacket anymore, his tie was loose and his sleeves rolled up.

“Am I interrupting?” he asked, his hand clenched around the doorknob.

She remembered that day on the Hub when Phil had watched her go through her routine on the bus while he had been rambling about rules and protocols. That seemed like so long ago. And now he was missing. But this stranger looked like him. And he moved like him too.

She glanced at him and raised a brow as she continued with her routine.

“Thank you.” He pressed his lips together and came in. With a sigh he sat down on the stack of gym mats and wrung his hands.

Something was up, she could feel it. Her heart beat quickened. She didn’t want to hear it, she was almost sure

“Jane Foster said I look good for a dead guy.”

Shit. Shit! She dropped her pose and turned to him.

He frowned and looked up to her. “Why did I fake my death?”

His innocence broke her heart. She wished she could be somewhere else. She wished that he would be where he belonged without ever having to find out about this mess of a universe.

“Is that what got between us?” he asked. “That I had to fake my death?”

She didn’t want to talk about this. How should she tell him he died? How could she explain what happened between them?

He gasped. “I died?”

She pulled in a deep breath and clenched her hands. That had been the worst day of her life. Worse than Bahrain. Worse than everything that happened in the last two years.

“TAHITI worked?” he asked, his voice almost broke.

“You know about that?” she asked.

“The two of us ran it, we … “ He swallowed and pulled up his shoulders. “It didn’t work, in fact it went so bad, we stopped. And then with Stark … we tried, but he was too far gone.”

“It worked,” she said and lifted her chin. She would not break down. Not in front of him. Not before he was back home. And she would get him back home!

“So the other me, he’s really missing, right?” he asked. “He’s not dead and you don’t want to tell me?”

“We think he traveled through the wormhole like you did.”

“Like a switch?”

She nodded slowly. “We hope to switch you back.”

“How did he die?”

“Stepping in Loki’s way during the New York Incident.”

“Were you there?”

“No.”

“That’s good.” He sighed.

She squinted at him, which he didn’t seem to register.

“Did he have any weird symptoms afterwards?” he asked.

“He’s fine now.” She tried to smile. This wasn’t a lie. “Works too much, but …” she added and shrugged. Her heart was racing.

“Yeah, we really love working.” His smile was as sad as hers. He nibbled at his lower lip. “Last thing I said before I passed out was that we finally take another vacation but they’re always so boring and you said that we could just work the next abduction case together because …” He took a deep breath and held up his palms. “I’m doing it again, I’m sorry.”

“You really love her. The other me?”

“Yes.” He ran a hand over his forehead. “Did you ever think about us like that?”

Of course she had. “He was never interested in me that way.”

“I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.”

“Why?”

“Excuse me?”

“What did she do that you fell for her?” She wanted to know this way too badly.

“She was just … you.”

He didn’t know her. He didn’t know what she did. “Do you need anything? “ she asked. “Toothbrush or anything else?” She just wanted to go to her room and down that bottle of scotch she had in her closet. Of course she wouldn’t do that. Not until that man in front of her would be back home.

“I’m all set,” he replied.

“Good.” She nodded. “I have to get a shower. Sleep well.”

“You too.”

She felt his eyes on her as she walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, dear! This is just getting more and more painful to write! I hope you enjoy it. (I feel evil just saying that). Let me know what you think?!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Melinda gets Tea

She sorted through her closet and threw out two old shirts and made a mental note to buy new socks soon. A new bra wouldn’t hurt either. Then she cleaned the tiles in her bathroom. It was after midnight and she was exhausted. She was exhausted ever since she had opened her eyes after the explosion in the brewery and Phil hadn’t answered her calls. But she couldn’t sleep.

What she needed now was a cup of tea. She made another mental note to buy an electric water kettle for her room. Now that she planned on staying here longer, it would come in handy. Until she’d buy that kettle, she had to go to one of the public kitchens of the playground for a simple tea.

The preferred the kitchen close to the training room. Like that, she might just go for another round with the sand bag. She felt like punching something.

She changed from her black sleeping sweat pants and her sleeping t-shirt, into a black tank top, leggings, her grey SHIELD sweater and sports shoes. Maybe she would just get a water from the fridge and go right to punching things. Tea could wait. She added water bottles to her mental shopping list.

On her way to the kitchen, she walked past the lab. Muffled sounds came out of it and the light was on, so they were still working, which she hoped was a good thing. Or maybe they were still working because they couldn’t find a solution.

She swallowed and moved on. Better to not disturb them in any case.

She frowned when she saw light coming from the kitchen, too. Hopefully Fitzsimmons had just forgotten to switch it off. She really wasn’t in a talking mood. Then she heard the sound of metal scraping against metal.

Quietly, she opened the door just a bit and glanced inside. Depending on whom she would see, she could still make a detour and go to another kitchen.

Then she saw Phil standing at the counter, with his back to her, mixing something. An opened box of eggs and a box of milk stood to his right, a pack of sugar and a pack of flour to his right. He wore grey, loose sweat pants, a blue shirt with the Captain America emblem on the back and … tiger paw slippers? Where the hell did he get those?

God, seeing there felt so good. So normal. She missed him so much! And for a moment, just for a moment, she wanted to pretend that things were okay and just breathe.

She stepped into the kitchen. “Got hungry?”

He flinched and turned around a whisk in his hand, his eyes widened.

She suppressed a grin.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled and gave her a side-looped smile.

She came closer with her hands behind her back and nodded at the bowl on the counter. “What are you making?”

“Pancakes.” He pulled up his shoulders. “I’m sorry, is that ok?”

She raised a brow. “Do you plan on sharing?”

He raised one too. “Would you like one?”

Indeed she would. If they were anything like her Phil’s pancakes, they were exactly what she needed. They smiled at each other and she walked up next to him.

“What can I do?” she asked.

“You cook in this dimension?”

She squinted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I plead the fifth?”

“I’m not that bad of a cook,” she said and got the pan from under the stove.

“You’re an excellent sous chef.”

“She gets to slice things?” She grabbed a ladle and spatula.

He grinned at her as she put the kitchen utensils next to the stove. “And she’s excellent at that.”

She looked away to grab the grape-seed oil. “Did our first kiss really happen over burned pancakes?”

“Technically it was the second time you kissed me that made me burn them.”

The second time. How often might they have kissed until today? Did he even know? She didn’t even know how long they had been married. She drizzled some oil in the pan and switched the stove on.

“We were in my old apartment and I made pancakes and after the batter was done, you kissed me and apologized and said it was a mistake,” he added. “After I flipped the first pancake over, you kissed me again.”

“And then?”

“We forgot about the pancakes.” She could hear the smile in his voice and it hurt.

“Are you happy with her? With your life?” she asked and stepped away from the stove to make room for him.

“Yes.” No hesitation.

“I’ll get you back to her, I promise.”

“I know.” He poured the first ladle of batter into the pan.

“Phil …”

“You always keep your promises,” he said quietly.

Her throat closed up. Oh. God. She swallowed hard. “Would you like some tea?” she asked, her voice sounded rough.

“Do you have chamomile?”

“You hate chamomile.”

“I drink it with honey.”

What? She stared at him.

He flipped the pancake and glanced at her. “What did I say now?”

“I told you to try it like that.”

He snorted. “You forced me to try it like that.”

“Really?”

“You said for someone so experimental with all kinds of food it’d be a shame if I wouldn’t even try chamomile with honey.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. And I tried it and you were right.” He smiled.

Her heart hurt, but she smiled too. “Chamomile with honey coming right up.”

“How about some plates?”

“I’ll set the table too.”

“Perfect.” He grinned.

She lifted her chin and glanced down at his feet. “Nice slippers, by the way.”

“Daisy gave them to me.”

Melinda would thank her for that later. Smiling, she reached for the plates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early again! I'm filled with delicious raclette food and grateful to myself that I was smart enough to write this scene early. :) I hope you enjoyed this! :D


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda makes a call.

Hunter had offered to make this call for her, but for many reasons, that wasn’t an option. She stood in Phil’s office, next to his desk. She hadn’t sat on his chair while she had done an hour worth of paperwork yesterday, she wouldn’t sit down now. That was his place. With a sigh, Melinda picked up the phone on Phil’s desk, pressed some buttons to activate the call-redirections, so the call couldn’t be traced. Then she dialed the number.

Rosalind Price answered the call after the tenth ring. “Who’s this?”

“Melinda May.”

“Oh.”

Melinda pressed her lips together, trying to figure out how to continue.

Price sighed. “Just tell me.”

That was one option. “There’ll be another wormhole.”

“That’s great!” Price sounded so relieved, that Melinda wished she wouldn’t have to say her next sentence, but there was no way around it.

“We have no way to contact the other side,” she said.

For a moment, all she could hear was how Price held her breath.

“I understand,” Price mumbled.

Half an hour ago she had had almost the same discussion with Jane and Fitzsimmons. “It will happen tomorrow morning around ten at an undisclosed location.”

“I want to be there.”

The last thing they needed was to deal with another agency. “He’ll call you once he’s back,” Melinda said and swallowed. “Or I will.” Then she hang up, which felt cruel, but god, she was so tired.

And she missed Phil. And she didn’t know if she’d ever see him again. And she didn’t know if that would be a bad thing.

“You’ll get him back,” Phil said. The other Phil, who was married to her multiverse-counterpart, who hadn’t died and who still had both his hands. The happy one.

She looked up and found him standing in the doorway to the office and her heart skipped a beat. He wore the suit she had hung in front of the container early this morning. Grey looked good on him. She was glad she had gone with the dark blue tie instead of the grey one, though. It made his eyes shine. She pressed her lips together. Did the other Melinda ever get to pick out a tie for him? Going through Phil’s closet with him still gone had been weird, but there was something about doing something so mundane about picking out a tie for him that had just felt so nice. Like something a wife might’ve done.

With his hands behind his back, he walked up to the desk until they stood across from each other. “Fitzsimmons told me about the second wormhole.”

“We’ll get you home.” She smiled. Why wasn’t he smiling? “Dr. Foster said it’s highly likely that the wormhole will open between the same two dimensions, so you can go home.”

He frowned. “We’ll get your Phil back, too.” He reached out his hand and dropped it immediately, as if he had wanted to touch her before he caught himself. She saw the tension in his shoulders when he hid his hands behind his back again. That was her favorite thing to do when she felt the urge to touch him. She wondered if he and his wife touched each other often. If she’d be married to him, she would.

She swallowed hard. “Do you live together?”

His eyes widened and she nibbled at her bottom lip. “I mean, you and your wife …” she added, “do you live together?”

“We have an apartment in New York,” he said. “Big kitchen. We even have a guest room.”

He would love a big kitchen. “Is it nice?”

He tilted his head. “I was in charge of interior.”

“So lots of vintage?”

“We also put up the two drawings from your grandfather that your mother gave us for the wedding.”

She could see it in front of her inner eye. Something warm and cozy and them. She wanted that. She wanted that so much. Tears welled up and she looked down as she blinked them away. “I’m sorry, I’m just – I never pictured this life.” Her stomach was in knots.

“I make her happy,” he said and cleared his throat. “Not always, sometimes I get closed up and stupid and don’t talk to you like I should, but I think generally, I’m a good husband.”

Of course he was. She still didn’t dare to look at him. “Does she make you happy?”

“Yes. Very much.”

She felt relief. Thank you. He was happy too. And tomorrow he would be back home. He came around the desk and graced her arm.

“You always made me happy,” he said. “And we’ll get your Phil back here.”

She nodded and put her hands behind her back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating yesterday. My cold made a comeback and I had to sit that day out and take an early night. My ears are still messing with me, but yeah … I hope you enjoyed this scene! Let me know what you think?!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda throws punches.

In less than nine hours she would either see Phil for the very last time, or get him back. Melinda threw a left punch against the sand bag and followed it up with two low shots from her right, keeping her hits light.

She was in the training room next to the lab. Tonight, the lab was empty. She hoped that Fitz and Simmons got some rest. They both hadn’t looked good when they had told her about the second wormhole. None of them looked good. Daisy, Bobbi, Mack. Even Hunter. They were all worried.

It was quiet in the training room, aside from the noises the sand bag made, whenever Melinda hit it. The whole playground was quiet. She always loved that about the night.

Melinda threw another punch. She wore grey leggings paired with a black tank top. The black sweater she had worn over it, rested on a bench. Her hair was up in a pony tail, which she would never wear out on a mission, because it made it too easy for her opponent to grab her, but for a work out it was just perfect. And she really needed a work out right now.

Or sleep.

But Phil was still gone. In less then nine hours, the other Phil would be gone too.

She kicked the bag with her left foot. Even attempting to sleep had been impossible. She felt like bees buzzed through her veins, she felt like jumping out of her skin. Her stomach was in knots. At the work out and the controlled breathing that came with it had helped a bit with that.

Someone walked down the hall towards the training room. Melinda hoped, they’d pass it by. She was in no mood to deal with anybody.

She went through another combination of hits and kicks.

Footsteps stopped outside the door and the door opened. For a moment, she expected to see Daisy, but instead she saw Phil. His hair was tousled, he had dark rings under his eyes. He still wore the suit.

She raised a brow, but kept working the sand bag with light punches.

He ran a hand over his face and came in. “When my wife punches things after midnight, she’s either on a mission or anxious.” He gave her a half sided smile.

She looked away and focused on the sand bag.

He sighed. “He’ll come back to you. If he’s anything like me, he’ll come back.”

“Why?”

“Because he’ll want to.”

How could he be so sure of that?

For a while, he just watched her. She could see him in the corner of her eye with his head tilted and his arms dangling down his sides.

“I told my wife that I loved her after our fourth date,” he said then.

Melinda pressed her lips together. Her arms felt like led, but she kept them up, kept punching.

He snorted and shook his head slightly. “She’d argue it was our third, because she refuses to count the two you spent with me when your apartment was flooded, but since that was our first kiss, I think it should count.”

She kept throwing punches. A bit harder now.

He took a breath. “Point is, she didn’t say it back. She didn’t say anything and I was sure I blew it, but she kissed me and …” He shrugged.

A lump formed in her throat. She wanted him to leave. She wanted him to tell her everything. And she wanted him to just hold her.

“You’ve got the best pokerface,” he said, “but your body, how you move …” He shrugged again. “She’s not a big fan of words either.”

She didn’t respond.

“She didn’t say it back for about two months later,” he added, “because she thought I might take it back, which is silly because I never loved anybody else as much as I love you.”

She hadn’t even dreamed that a life like that was possible. She shouldn’t be jealous that her other self got to live it. But she was. She placed two hard right punches on the bag. And another. And another.

Why was he telling her all this? Didn’t he know this was torture?

She kicked and punched and hit.

He was gone. He had told her about Rosalind and she had been heartbroken and relieved because he finally trusted her and being heartbroken was so stupid because obviously she was so very wrong for him for so many reasons and she couldn’t save anybody. Not the girl, not Andrew, not Phil. No one.

She kicked the sand bag so hard it bounced back. Her breathing was rapid. She dropped her arms to her sides and stared at the sand bag, her vision blurred. She was crying. When the hell had that happened?

Suddenly, she felt his hands on her shoulders. Slowly, he turned her towards him, wrapped his arms around her waist and shoulders and hugged her.

She closed her eyes. He smelled like her Phil. His hands rubbed over her back. All she could do was breathe, her hands still clenched into fists. Her knuckles hurt, her lips did too. She should relax her mouth, but if she would, she’d start blubbering like a baby.

“You’re too hard on yourself,” he uttered and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

She crumbled. “I shot the girl,” she whispered into his shirt. “That’s why she died. I shot her.”

“Melinda …” He leaned back a little and she looked at him. He was frowning down at her. His hands caressed her arms.

“She wanted to touch me and there were too many people around. She had already killed three and I didn’t know …” She shook her head. How could she have known that help had been so close? How could she have known that Jiaying had been there too? “I’m dangerous. I didn’t know!”

She licked her lips and tasted her tears and he just kept looking at her as he moved his hands up her arms and shoulders until he cradled her face.

“You couldn’t have known,” he said. His voice was so gentle.

She closed her eyes, when he leaned forward to kiss her forehead. And her left eyebrow. And her right eyebrow. Her nose.

She moved up her hands and cupped his elbows. Tilting her head a little, she searched for his mouth and gently pressed her lips against his. Her heart was racing. Her mind felt like cotton. But this felt good.

He pulled away a little and let go of her face. His hands glided down until he caught hers in his palms. “You don’t mean me,” he said.

What the hell was she doing? Her face felt hot and she felt fresh tears coming up. He was right. He was so damn right! She wanted her Phil back. The broken one with the missing hand who knew her. She wanted him back and she wanted to see him happy.

When she tried to pull away, the other Phil squeezed her hands. “Hey!”

He waited until she looked at him again before he continued, “You’ll get him back, I promise.” Then he grinned. “You’re a great kisser, but I’m married man.”

How could he be so wonderful? And she was crying again. How could she be such a mess?

He sighed heavily and pulled her back into his arms. “I promise you’ll get him back.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all of you! I'm sorry this is late, but I was crazy busy and sick, so I neither had time nor energy to write. I hope you all had a wonderful time with your loved ones. :)  
> If things go as planned I can take tomorrow to write and post the last two scenes of this story. until then, I hope you enjoyed this little angst bomb! (writing it broke my heart!)  
> Let me know what you think?!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they wait for a wormhole.

She had kissed him. And she had cried in his arms. Being held by him had felt so safe and wonderful, but he wasn’t her Phil. He was a gentleman, nonetheless, just like her Phil. And today he would leave.

The area around the mall where they expected the wormhole to occur was evacuated and secured. The scientists already set up all their equipment and now they were all just waiting for that stupid wormhole to open. Apparently the wormhole would open in the middle of a shoe store, so now they all stood around it and waited. Melinda hated waiting!

At least Jane, Darcy and Fitzsimmons had their science stuff to keep them busy.

Melinda put her hands behind her back. She stood a little aside in a small alley between  two shops that lead to the mall’s bathrooms. From here she could observe without being on the spot herself.

Right now Simmons put some sensors on Phil’s wrist while Fitz held up his phone, probably checking if the data-transfer worked. Phil frowned. Daisy stood across from them, chewing on a twizzler, frowning too. Once Simmons was done applying the sensors, Phil lifted his hands and inspected them, before Simmons placed her hand on his wrist. Due to the look on her face, Melinda could tell that she was warning him to be careful with these. Phil nodded and Simmons hugged him. Fitz seemed a bit uneasy, but Daisy waited her turn and hugged him too. Phil hugged them both back and smiled a little sadly.

With his shoulders pulled up and his hands awkwardly held up, Phil walked over to her. He sighed when he stopped in front of her.

“I’m gonna miss your team,” he said. “You’ve got something great here.”

“They’re good people.” She smiled. With that, she couldn’t argue. Fitz, Simmons and Daisy had grown so much since she had met them. And they all had risen above every obstacle this cruel dimension had thrown at them.

“So …” Phil took a breath. “In about five minutes you’ll have him back.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Five minutes?”

“Simmons just said the wormhole will open in about three, and I gave him two minutes extra.”

That meant he’d definitely be gone in three minutes. That was the only thing that was sure. She nibbled on her bottom lip.

He reached out his right hand and graced her arm with his fingertips. “My wife is brilliant and she knows brilliant people and she will get him back to you.”

She focused on the sensor on his wrist. Metallic and shiny.

“He’ll be back, you’ll see,” he said.

“If you see him, tell him not to worry.” She had wanted to tell him that since the kiss. She swallowed and looked up at him. “I can handle this and he can just stay there and be happy.”

“You deserve to be happy.”

She shot that girl. She shot her husband. And she was so tired.

“No, you deserve to be happy.” He caressed her arm again. “You’re a good person. The best.” He sighed. “You’re my favorite person.”

He was her favorite person. How could he still look at her like he did now? How could he believe his own words now that he knew what she did?

He shook his head. “Please stop. Don’t punish yourself, please.”

She pressed her lips together. What was she supposed to say to that?

“I can’t leave if you don’t.”

She snorted. Now he was being ridiculous!

“You’re so unhappy and I just can’t …” He took a breath.

She looked at him and he just looked so anxious.

“How can I leave when you’re this unhappy?” His voice almost broke.

Her heart was racing. “Don’t even think that.”

He opened his mouth and turned his palms up, looking defeated.

She squinted at him. “I need you to go back,” she said sternly. “I need you to be happy.” How could he even think of staying? She felt sick.

“Melinda …”

No! “You’ll go back!” Whatever crap-life she had created for herself, she needed him to be happy. She needed him to leave! “I _need_ you to go back,” she repeated.

He looked down and nibbled on his lip. “Ok.”

She nodded. “Now go.”

And then he hugged her again. “I need you to be happy, too,” he whispered in her hair. She wished he wouldn’t do that. She wished her heart would be done breaking.

“The sensors!” Simmons gasped behind them. “Careful!”

Phil placed a kiss on the top of her head, before he let go.

And then he walked into the shoe shop. A minute later a shockwave pushed her back against the wall. There was dust and noise and bright lights.

Silence followed after that.

Her ears were ringing with it. When she saw someone lying on the ground, she started running.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever wanted to send words of motivations, I was never in more need of them! Seriously, I'm so behind on writing today, if I still want to post that last chapter! I hope you enjoyed this second to last chapter. Can you believe this story might come to an end in a few hours?  
> Me neither! Please, as always let me know what you think and take this as an invitation to kick my butt so I actually finish the last chapter today too. ;)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which he's back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to nessnessquik, sharkissel, MelindaTheCavalryMay and devilgrrl for commenting and kicking my butt to get this finished! I shall answer your kind comments as soon as this chapter is posted! THANK YOU! I read your comments while writing and they really gave me the push I needed to pull through. :)

Nine hours. He was back for nine hours.

Daisy had reached him first. She had hugged him so tight. After Daisy finally let go, she and Simmons each took one of his arms and guided him outside.

He had looked at her as the girls accompanied him to the car. He had looked exhausted too.

She didn’t have to call Rosalind, he did that as soon as Simmons was done with his check up.

He went out to meet with Rosalind and she went out to follow up on a new possible lead on Ward. Now that Phil was back, it was business as usual, wasn’t it? Tonight she would get drunk and sleep.

Melinda kicked off her boots, sat on her bed and pulled oped the bottom drawer of her nightstand. There is was, reliable ant potent, a big bottle of vodka.

Of course that stupid lead had led to nothing. When she returned to the playground, Phil still was away.

Good. He deserved to enjoy some free time with his girlfriend. Good!

He was back, he was safe and he had Rosalind.

She had vodka and her soft, welcoming bed.

Someone knocked at her door. For a moment, she considered pretending to be away, then she pressed her lips together and closed the drawer. Nobody would come to her room and knock, if it wasn’t important. Of course Melinda had to explain to Daisy what important actually meant once. Hunter still didn’t really get it. If that was Hunter in front of her door, she would shut the door in his face and go right back to opening her vodka.

Squinting, she stood up and opened the door.

Phil.

Her heart skipped a beat.

He was back for nine hours. And now he stood in front of her room and she had to hide her hands to stop herself from throwing herself into his arms. But this was her Phil. The one with the girlfriend.

He looked good in his grey suit with dark blue tie. He looked tired too. Dark rings circled his eyes and there were some lines on his face she wasn’t familiar with. It was so, so good to see him!

“Hi.” He tilted his head and pulled up his shoulders. “Is this a bad time?”

Tongue tied, she shook her head and opened the door wider. Fortunately he knew her well enough to understand the gesture and he came in. This was her Phil, after all.

God, he was back. Thank you! Thank you. He was really back.

She pressed her lips together and closed the door behind him. She turned and stood right in front of him.

“So …” He took a breath. “Did you hear what I said?” His arms dangled on his sides, he flexed his hands. “About me and Price?” He swallowed hard.

“I trust you know what you’re doing.” If he was happy, she was happy for him.

“We ended it.”

Ended it? “I’m sorry. She seems nice.”

He snorted and grinned. “You didn’t trust her one bit.”

Rosalind Price was a brilliant agent of a different agency who had tried to play them more then once. Of course she didn’t trust her! She hid her hands again. “But you like her.”

“Yes.”

Hearing that hurt. How pathetic was that? “I like her, too,” she said. Because she did and he was her friend. “Maybe you should try to -”

“No.”

She raised a brow. Just no?

“I’m just …” He shrugged and nibbled at his lower lip. “How was the other me?”

“Makes good pancakes.”

He smiled. “She was you, but she wasn’t. We didn’t really know each other. I missed you.”

Warmth rushed through her and she clenched her fists. She wanted to hug him. She wanted to cradle his face and kiss him. She wanted to take him to her bed and reassure herself that he was really here. Her heart was racing. She had missed him too.

Phil looked down at his shoes and took a breath. “I promised her I’d tell you something but before I do, please know that what I’m about to say won’t have any consequences. I just want you to know.”

She wished he would look at her. What was he talking about? Did he have contact with Audrey again? Was that why he had been gone for so long? She had assumed he had been with Rosalind, but if there was something else -

“I love you,” he said.

She felt like someone just had punched the air out of her lungs. What?

Finally, he met her gaze. “I love you.” He pulled in a sharp breath and held up his hands. “No buts, just. I love you. So now you know.”

Three times. She swallowed hard. He said he loved her three times. That meant something, right?

“Okay then.” He nodded and gave her a half sided smile. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

He had said he loved her. Three times. He had said it three times.

“Please don’t leave because of this,” he mumbled.

She placed her hands on his shoulders because he was back and he had said he loved her three times. Where else would she want to go when he was here?

He closed his eyes when she cradled his face.

She tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. He was hers. And he still said he loved her. He sighed against her mouth, before he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. He kissed her back with a passion that made her knees weak.

She lost all sense of time while they kissed. He tasted fantastic. He felt fantastic too. And he was back.

Eventually she broke away from his lips. He ran his hands over her shoulder blades. His eyes wandered over her face and he wore the sweetest smile.

He was so sweet. He was wonderful. She stroked his cheek with her thumb and wondered how long this might last.

“I shot Andrew,” she whispered and pulled her hand away. Why was he still here?

His eyes widened and he pressed his lips together as he tightened his grip on her.

“And I killed that girl,” she added. Her eyes burned again.

He shook his head.

“Phil, she was just a kid and I shot her.” Her voice cracked. “I killed her. I would’ve killed Andrew, if necessary, I would’ve …”

“I know.” He reached up and ran his hands through her hair. “I love you so much,” he said. His voice didn’t shake anymore.

“Still?”

“Still.” He tilted his head. “If you don’t want this with me, nothing has to change -”

She kissed him again to stop him from talking nonsense. “I want this.” Of course she wanted this! “I love you too,” she added.

She felt him smile against her mouth when she kissed him again. She needed him so much and at least for now she allowed herself to believe that he needed her too. And for now she allowed herself to be happy in his arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT! You guys have been wonderful! I hope this end pleases you. :) Let me know what you think?  
> Also, which sort of addition to this story would you like to read first? Any prompts? :D


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